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To believe or not to believe

Lost god and the elves

There was a time as a child
when elves spoke
and god was the man in the robes
at the front of the church

Christianity indoctrinated me for a while
then I tried to convert a jew
Bigotry claimed me, a lapse in thought
and I blamed a gentle Muslim for jihad

I thought and thought and thought
do non Christians go to hell?
Original sin says so,
so I dismissed that nasty idea.

I studied hard too
theology, philosophy, science.

Science provides more questions,
well evidenced theories,
though never claiming absolute truth,
it offers many truths.

Trying hard is a way, a path
(though I'm not a Taoist)

This world dismays me
though I ride on a ferry and am delighted
This world has no justice
and for that I want to leave it but that,

Sometimes I see fairies playing in the trees.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

lol – see – it only takes a cause and you have your talent back jess

apart from a bit of repetition (do you mean to use ‘for a while' twice?) and that ‘oh so wrong’ comment in the parenthesis – really not needed - I think you have nailed a great and thought-provoking write

I just love the finish
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

hope you see this

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Able to see the truth and beauty, as well as suggesting better ways of saying it.
I feel I have lost it.

But thank you for seeing it in me.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I agree that churches are not to be worshiped. Hmm..........I wonder if disappoint might not convey the poem's intent better than dismay? Also you might try
I lost god
along with the elves..................just a few ideas PS I expect your critiquing skills will return as you get to feeling better..........................stan

and I didn't lose god, I just realised he doesn't exist. Elves do, I am living proof.

Yes, thanks, I will get better. I'm working on it.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I agree with Judy one of your better pieces when snapping at the ankles of the system.
I hope you didn't pay the ferryman, you speak of justice or the lack of it.
Well you have one of the most powerful weapons in your hands there.
WWW it can break the world and rebuild it to your liking just go and say so, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I would kick Charon overboard and use the ferry to show people wondrous sights!

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Sometimes prose poetry is the only way I can convey my thoughts succinctly.

It would be a Sisyphusian task to re-write this as poetry.

When I am braver, stronger and better I might try.

Thanks again.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I am happy I have at least given you a reason to write :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

it was unfair and cruel,
please forgive me.
But yes, you inspired me.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

We all make mistakes, don't we?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

as it is implied in your last line

"But sometimes I still see fairies playing in the trees."
You just need to take the first RIGHT STEP..:)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

we can only keep questioning with open minds.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I have felt weak and helpless in my mind and my abilities. I've actually been re-considering spiritual ways.

But fuck that! It is for the weak minded who won't accept accountability for their own integrity, morality and acceptance of an uncaring yet logical universe.

I am back and know weak-mindedness and morality.

Choose for yourselves or suffer as slaves to the corporate world mentality.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I have done so now with revisions.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I guess that your thought of looking at a spiritual path, must have come from a clambering for some truth some place as you went down, maybe a life belt that could be thrown to a drowning man.
Hey shit happens, now you are back in the upper thought patterns that run your life, eat or be eaten.
There for a moment or two I could have sworn that there was a weakness in your armour, lol, good to have you back to teaching again..
John Wayne said that saying sorry was a weakness, or is it that you thought that the company of others, is what let you be you again, just a thought.
One day outside of poetry we may talk of things that are real and lasting what ever that is, once again it is late so you are off the hook lol.
Take care young Elf and never be afraid to feel, Yours Ian.T

PS:- one of our rules like the ten, is that you are totally responsible for all your actions, and you are your own judge on these things, when the ferryman comes, yours Sparrow..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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