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Beauty

You work to make your beauty shine
But I think you're lovely all the time
You compare yourself to stars on Tv
When I know you're nicer than they'll ever be
Fighting a scale when your body's just fine
If you don't believe me, just look at mine
Everyone loves you the way that you are
Your face is just perfect even with scars
Don't put on makeup you're naturally fair
From the tip of your toes to the length of your hair
But the way that you look on the outside of your skin
Can't beat the beauty that fills you within

Last few words: 
this is just a simple kind poem for my friend on valentine's day, tell me if u think she'll like it and if i should change anything.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

two line rhyming, it is hard to do and you have managed it quite well. Only little thing that I see, is that you need to change
the word [my] to [me] in the line: "If you don't believe..." Are the scars she bears prominent? Or is it just a way to rhyme with [are]? I think that she will like it just fine. ~ Geez.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Yes she has scars in her forehead from falling when she was little. They aren't too dramatic but they are noticeable and a very common topic of conversation at school(so you see why she would want to cover them up)

Kisses,
Vivi

author comment

to assume, [which usually gets me in trouble] that you have told her before that her scars aren't that bad, etc?... I think that she will love it, if she isn't too [searching for a word here] worried about what you think of the scars. Go for it! You have a wonderful empathy and people like you and I must be willing to take chances about hurting, before we can explore the pleasure of letting others know how much we care. Best wishes, ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Did i make that sound like i was rude to her too? That's not what i meant. Yes I think her scars make her look tough and i tell her it whenever i feel she needs to hear it.

Kisses,
Vivi

author comment

Hello, Viviana,
How wonderful, I think she will adore this! Who wouldn't?! A sweet Valentine, for sure. I did trip a little bit on "...by the way that you look on the outside your skin." Did you mean "of" your skin, or maybe a completely different thought? Happy Valentine's Day!
Thank you!
Lavender

i did but i thought it would make it too long, u tell me.

Kisses,
Vivi

author comment

Looks and sounds great! A very endearing poem!
L

the direction I was heading in, when I asked about you having mentioned the scars before. I agree, that you could definitely leave out the scars and go with the alternative of " your face is perfect to me by far." Also deleting the part about putting on make-up. Of course, not being a woman, I don't think about that kind of thing and what it might imply. Guy's don't mind scars so much, [we tend to think of them as being macho]. Teddy gave better advice for sure! ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

yeah i like that, thanks

Kisses,
Vivi

author comment

change a word. If you do the raw emotion would be changed and it's that emotion which carries your poem

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