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Beauty
Would that I knew of a moment sublime,
would that I heard once a mockingbird rhyme,
but there is naught that’s divine I recall.
I know of only the depth of my Fall.
Would that I heard once a musical phrase;
phrases that sung to the heart of my soul,
music that might hold my too weary gaze.
I know of only the forspent and droll.
Nothing in life poses blessings of aught.
Nothing is bright, no not even my thought.
Thence, I am lonely, a bleary, old man,
one who shall muddle the best that he can.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
Southern California
Favorite Poets
Tolkien, Byron, Longfellow, Shakespeare, Dr. Suess, Elizabeth Browning, Robert Browning, Dickinson
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Comments
raj
Sun, 2014-02-02 15:59
Wesley
What a fine scribe which rhymes with the mind and resonates in the depths of thoughts which drift from the past into the present with remarkable ease. It is a pleasure read and a learning experience for me..
Thanks for posting this refined poetry,
regards,
raj (sublime_ocean)
Rula
Mon, 2014-02-03 00:37
This is awesome
with a title and content that deeply touch the emotions.
I know that whatever you do is always intentional, but can't understand why does the second stanza's rhyme deviate from the others " aa, bb". you could have kept it aa,bb without affecting the meaning.
Just thoughts.
Thanks for sharing your "Beauty"
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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wesley snow
Mon, 2014-02-03 11:15
Stretching.
It felt good, so I allowed myself the leeway which I don't often do. Call it my version of "free verse".
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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author commentlonlyhrtsclub13
Tue, 2014-02-04 10:12
as someone
Who writes by the seat of their pants, this was very good. You could hear the free verse in the flow, this was lighter, less serious than a lot of your work. Yet the language was still classy and elegant. Good read.
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Ian.T
Mon, 2014-02-03 11:23
Wesley
A lovely write full of things,
we sometimes cannot see
The beauty hidden from our gaze
I feel sorry for those here
That have lived less days
As in our dotage we can see
More beauty in this world
There just for you and me.
Great, Yours ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Rula
Tue, 2014-02-04 08:08
Now I can see clearer
why you've called it "Beauty". It is indeed!
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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BettyBuff
Sun, 2014-02-16 19:44
coming over to the 'dark side'?
I do declare Mr Snow, you're inching your way over to my side of the fence...'forspent', 'aught' & 'thence'...so archaic...going to be a while before you join the 21st century 'methinks'.
Only teasing, I liked this. It was a class act, like you.
Ellie x
wesley snow
Mon, 2014-02-17 10:55
I don't have a time machine,
so the 21st century is beyond my capabilities. Glad you liked the poem. It was written as an attempt to write "euphonically" (in other words... sounding pretty regardless of the subject).
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author commentSeren
Tue, 2014-02-18 08:15
Wesley !!
My god I simply love this, sorry for the gush but its just sublime rhythm and rhyme :) Sorry I missed it until now, it just flows off the tongue with ease, Sigh I cant find anything to suggest.
You really should let go and write like this more often it has a softer lighter feel about it, I haven't read this in your work before
Bravo :)
love JC xxx
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
wesley snow
Tue, 2014-02-18 15:34
Thank you my dear.
I am trying to "loosen up". It is hard. I choose the strait jacket willingly. Please read "For Carrie" and tell me what you think. I even listed it as free verse, though I confess the real challenge I gave myself was to write in someone else's style... hers.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about
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