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The Beast

a carnival of hordes in withering grass

the high priestess tongues the beast

wet mandible
on a dragging death gowned doll
like a cyclone coils paradise

trans mutative

prismatic unfurling's
passed bones of confusion

passed scorched refuse
of radiating spiraled phantoms

the more gods, the more demons
battle angel symmetries
in Taoist jaws

galactic lurking's
into parametric infinities
escalating war like cloud light
rush glittering arms of affliction

exhalations like upleaping sail fish
drizzle sooty rain
shellacking tinsel rhinos
hieroglyphs of the barbarous

a transfixed guttural prana;
apostasy
between advances and retreats
in chimeras earth quake palace

death: an origin story.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I bring my facilities to mix upon a dream, the concrete, and the thunders of spirit. An exploration of duality, fragmentary existence, creative destruction , and spiritual healing through the ascent of life force
Editing stage: 

Comments

Your poems and our dialogues have helped me establish an aesthetic to a certain modernism, common to both art (painting) and poetry, and possibilities of that experience. I think you can reasonably expect that really no reader can fully comprehend the various neural connections that connect words to images and an inner dream experience. Other than Coleridge, there are few who attempted it before Rimbaud. As I mentioned perhaps I did a lot graduate on work him Paris, and if you take any (any) poem of his....

Ancient Beasts - by Arthur Rimbaud

The ancient beasts bred even on the run,
their glans encrusted with blood and shit.
Our forefathers displayed their cocks proudly
by the fold of the sheath and the grain of the scrotum.

In the middle ages, for a female, angel or sow,
a fellow whose gear was substantial was needed;
and even a Kleber, judging by his breeches -
which exaggerate, perhaps, a little -
can't have lacked resources.

Besides, man is equal to the proudest mammal;
we are wrong to be surprised at the hugeness of their members;
but a sterile hour has struck:
the gelding and the ox have bridled their ardours,
and no one will dare again to raise his genital pride
in the copses teeming with comical children.

You can see the process. It comes from within, and there is no real relation to the common reality of material world before us. How does this differ from the process of abstract painting- expressing the discovery of what this combination of colors and motion is to the artist. The attempt must be then for such presentations to absorb the viewer/reader in the process somehow. Stop thinking.

The difference between subject art and abstract imagination is the bottom line. I don't see why I can't enjoy both for different reasons, But I would suggest the audience for Rimbaud's style of surrealism has a limited audience, you have to read a lot of poetry and be open to contemporary philosophy of art. But as most the population watches wonderwoman movies or plays video games...

Where does this all lead? I like the poem, it's not too long, punctuated right, is interesting to read,
has good sound, but I leave the poem after a few reads without an "emotion". My brain was stimulated with images, as my eyes are stimulated by abstract art. I think I personally prefer a poem
to reach that emotional level, as I do painting (like why I like Basquait over Rothenberg). My only suggestion is perhaps to use what Rimbaud did in most of his poems like the above, stay more focused on just one aspect of something, some dream, rather than take on too much -
"An exploration of duality, fragmentary existence, creative destruction , and spiritual healing through the ascent of life force" Maybe a little less reach might help get some take away from
duality, OR creative destruction, OR spiritual healing, OR the ascent of life force etc.

These comments take me an hour to do, so I appreciate the learning process I have to go through
to write them, and try to be precise and intelligible. And honest, I hope they are helpful.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

A beautiful thoughtful commentary I love the way you lean in so meticulously
And thankyou for furnishing the Rimbaud I loved it!!!

You give me important things to consider and I will seriously!!

author comment

Holy shit! Yes! Intense!
I had no idea what I was reading yet my eyes were fixed on every word nonstop.
I'm sorry but I have no other offering.

A am an acorn. Both you, Z, and Eumolpus are great Oaks.

You know how to make a simple man like me desire the unattainable.

Your poetry and comments are 'unobtianium'

and,
that's how I see it.

Mark L.

Many thanks ...your comment is appreciated. May I suggest the two below links for the premier poetry sites
Writing well comes from reading great work and as Mark will tell you reading what poets say about writing informs us about craft and what makes it crackle.
So keep goin brother!!

Best Z

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/?gclid=Cj0KCQiAvebhBRD5ARIsAIQUmnmLGIM-...

https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poems?gclid=Cj0KCQiAvebhBRD5ARIsAIQUmnklm...

author comment

^5

and,
that's how I see it.

Mark L.

as I was reading it I imagined some cellar like the old Gaslight Cafe in the village in the 60's. It has such a beat feeling about it. That's great, I strive to be the same..a modern Beatnik! It should be aloud with extreme exaggeration, shouts and exclamations-

There are a few punctuations. I'm on the "all or none" team, I think "some" doesn't work. I would also consider a few,!!! which can bring out a poem physically, like directing a conductor in little notes in the music.

Glad to have helped you trim it.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

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