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Bearing The Brunt by: eddy styx

ripped away
forcefully taken
from the warmth of
loving arms, forsaken

cold rushing in like wind
whistling over a frozen lake.
many howling miles
no woodland to break...

the cold like razor fingers
wind chill twenty-two minus zero.
in my head, I hear her calling
crying, reaching arms out for a hero.

tortured mind picturing
his abuses raked over her person
probing hands tainting her being,
can't keep my thoughts away, they worsen.

smelling the smoke from a campfire
I forge ahead through snow and frost
urging me onward, up ahead I see the light
If I find her sullied, spoilt, his life will be the cost!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
thank you Onyinechi for the new title! * eddy styx
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I have missed Eddy, I am going love catching up. So, the title? I don't think it fits. I do think that it's a very good draft. I will be interested to come back and see what you do with this one. I will be back ;)

i think the line "HIs abuse visited on her person" needs a little tweaking, I think given the subject matter and the seriousness of the poem "visited" doesn't fit the narrative

love and hugs J x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

I really like the update <3

Love & hugs J x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

thank you sweetness.

*ever, eddy

*hugs, and Love, Cat

*
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author comment

You are most welcome Sweets; I am chuffed I helped.

hugs & love (x)

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

it is just so great to see you again!!!

*love you, cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

hon that means a lot coming from you (((HUGS)))

love you too <3

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Well done, Eddy! Find her and take out the trash while you are at it!

~RoseBlack~

and you are mine! thanks for the read and comment!

*ever, eddy

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

The title doesn't fit the poem in any way. Should think towards the subject matter of the piece.

Well-wrought with creative beauty! Nice job!
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

that was the title I changed to. do you have any suggestions?

thanks, eddy styx

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

I would have captioned it 'BEARING THE BRUNT' or 'BRUNT EMOTION.
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

Bearing The Brunt and will change the title in a bit. thank you Onyinechi.

thanks, eddy styx

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

I'm glad you liked my suggestion
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

to see you, thanks for all the help!

*ever, eddy styx

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

You're welcome!
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

my name is eddy styx. I am the Male alter ego of Cat's. I write dark poetry. very often I am the villain who perpetrates dark deeds to draw them to light and remind careless folk that it is a dark and dangerous world we live in, thank you for reading and commenting on my poetry, fair lady.

*ever, eddy styx

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
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