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Bearing The Brunt by: eddy styx
ripped away
forcefully taken
from the warmth of
loving arms, forsaken
cold rushing in like wind
whistling over a frozen lake.
many howling miles
no woodland to break...
the cold like razor fingers
wind chill twenty-two minus zero.
in my head, I hear her calling
crying, reaching arms out for a hero.
tortured mind picturing
his abuses raked over her person
probing hands tainting her being,
can't keep my thoughts away, they worsen.
smelling the smoke from a campfire
I forge ahead through snow and frost
urging me onward, up ahead I see the light
If I find her sullied, spoilt, his life will be the cost!
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
thank you Onyinechi for the new title!
* eddy styx
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Seren
Mon, 2023-01-09 12:36
Dear Cat
I have missed Eddy, I am going love catching up. So, the title? I don't think it fits. I do think that it's a very good draft. I will be interested to come back and see what you do with this one. I will be back ;)
i think the line "HIs abuse visited on her person" needs a little tweaking, I think given the subject matter and the seriousness of the poem "visited" doesn't fit the narrative
love and hugs J x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Seren
Mon, 2023-01-09 13:47
Dear Cat
I really like the update <3
Love & hugs J x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Candlewitch
Mon, 2023-01-09 18:01
you helped me get there!
thank you sweetness.
*ever, eddy
*hugs, and Love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Seren
Mon, 2023-01-09 13:54
Cat
You are most welcome Sweets; I am chuffed I helped.
hugs & love (x)
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Candlewitch
Mon, 2023-01-09 14:01
*Smiles :)
it is just so great to see you again!!!
*love you, cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Seren
Mon, 2023-01-09 14:08
Awwww
hon that means a lot coming from you (((HUGS)))
love you too <3
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
RoseBlack
Mon, 2023-01-09 17:56
My favorite Vigilante
Well done, Eddy! Find her and take out the trash while you are at it!
~RoseBlack~
Candlewitch
Tue, 2023-01-10 13:11
dear Carrie,
and you are mine! thanks for the read and comment!
*ever, eddy
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Jackweb
Tue, 2023-01-10 07:39
I agree with Seren
The title doesn't fit the poem in any way. Should think towards the subject matter of the piece.
Well-wrought with creative beauty! Nice job!
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Candlewitch
Tue, 2023-01-10 15:11
dear Jackweb,
that was the title I changed to. do you have any suggestions?
thanks, eddy styx
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Jackweb
Tue, 2023-01-10 16:55
If I had written this
I would have captioned it 'BEARING THE BRUNT' or 'BRUNT EMOTION.
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Candlewitch
Wed, 2023-01-11 08:21
I like...
Bearing The Brunt and will change the title in a bit. thank you Onyinechi.
thanks, eddy styx
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Jackweb
Wed, 2023-01-11 08:15
You're welcome !
I'm glad you liked my suggestion
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Candlewitch
Wed, 2023-01-11 15:42
it was so good...
to see you, thanks for all the help!
*ever, eddy styx
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Jackweb
Thu, 2023-01-12 11:13
Alright
You're welcome!
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Candlewitch
Thu, 2023-01-12 08:35
dear Kat,
my name is eddy styx. I am the Male alter ego of Cat's. I write dark poetry. very often I am the villain who perpetrates dark deeds to draw them to light and remind careless folk that it is a dark and dangerous world we live in, thank you for reading and commenting on my poetry, fair lady.
*ever, eddy styx
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.