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BE PATIENT MY CHILD

Be patient my child,
The world hangs on a thread,
It is a troubled hen standing on a rope,
She jitters as she swaggers in discomfort
Then fly to perch on a firm.

Be patient my child,
Life is a china,
mapped with the rays of thunders
If it trembles it shatters,
Every good thing is fragile.

Be patient my child,
like the seasons that wait for their turn
Seventy years is not forever.

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Comments

You have crafted a great piece here keep up the great work.

Mario Vitale

Very nice message in these verses with good word usage to create the desired effect..

Regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

and is a little gem. The economy and connection of images is just stellar. And as I'm getting near that 70 year old mark, is also very wise.
a few minor technical issues for me
"Then fly to perch on a firm." we need a noun- firm is more a adjective, so firm ground, firm branch, etc.
"Life is a china,"..is awkward as we refer to ceramic dishes as china or chinaware, but not as "a china"
perhaps life is a glass vase, a porcelain, or something like that.
I would add a hyphen or semicolon: "like the seasons that wait for their turn-" (turn;)

At this point the level of your work is very strong. Sooner or later a lot of people will agree with me.
You want to avoid any distraction from the perfection of your work for larger public.I hope my offerings help you to that quest. Have you checked out createspace to very inexpensively self publish your work?

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

'firm' is a deliberate use. I could replace it with a 'fence', a 'tree' a 'wall', something truly firm like an absolute noun not an hybrid noun that looks more of an adjective and descriptive. But the 'firm' in this context is both a noun and an adjective and leaves the mind imagining many things for firm, just like it just did yours, it expands the images in the mind and keeps the imagination flaring, the desire effect I initially intended. The same thing goes to 'china', the aim is to not go precise but to connect many fragile images by introducing one, so the reader goes through it his own way....

Hommies

author comment

Thanks a lot, I'm still compiling some poems to send to them... I am confused yet what to send and what not to as I have written over 500 poems so far in life...

Hommies

author comment

They said a patient dog eat the fattest bone,
That's right being patient helps a lot in life.
This piece of poem remind me of all my mother told me,she said be patient & learn how to value the little you have it will help you find the real meaning of life.nice one deep it up.
Orbiam Simon.

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