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At The Bar... Random Challenge#18

Submitted by Geezer on Tue, 2022-08-09 00:48

They were waiting at the bar
when we came off the floor
He looked at her, she at him
we went to dance some more

Guess they got the idea
that it was me and you
and they would be together
as we weren't nearly through

I'm holding hands with you now
standing there defiant
He wants me to give you up
I won't, I know I can't

Six years, a boy-child later
we kind of fell apart
I loved you still, but freedom
was closer to my heart

I ran away with the fair
I just couldn't go back
Woe was me, I couldn't see
I was on the wrong track

Now you have gone past this life
I see most clear this view
You and he both needed me
Regrets for me and you

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Contest: 
Neopoet Random Challenge # 18
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Tue, 2022-08-09 13:31

Candlewitch's picture
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is this based on something real and true? it is so sad! especially these lines:

Six years, a boy-child later
we kind of fell apart
I loved you still, but freedom
was closer to my heart

*hugs, Cat

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Geezer

Tue, 2022-08-09 16:28

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unfortunately, this is my story and true. I was going through some serious issues and felt I needed to get away. Many years later, my [by then] ex-wife and I reconciled, and I was able was able to meet my son and we are great friends today. [She kept him from me for around thirty years.] I don't see much of him, as he lives in Minnesota, but we talk frequently. He says he has no problems with what I did and puts some blame on his mother and her mother for what happened. I think I could have handled things differently. ~ Geez.
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Sen99

Wed, 2022-08-17 04:33

Sen99's picture

life experience, it all started with a look at the bar, a dance, then offspring and break ups, all captured in simple rhyme
thanks for share

Geezer

Wed, 2022-08-17 19:19

Geezer's picture
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simple rhyme, but not so simple the years, in which all these things took place. I guess it is a sense of confession/catharsis, that prevails here. Thank you for the read and comment. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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