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Banging Away... Rhyme Patterns workshop

Banging on the gong
Gets her heart to thumping
Before it is too long
Her body starts to jumping

He bangs away all night
She doesn’t mind a bit
Jill thinks that it’s alright
She hopes he doesn’t quit

Jack is really great
He keeps on like a bunny
His timing is first rate
He don’t do nothing funny

He just keeps on the beat
Never falters once
She's potatoes, he’s the meat
Jack’s no bumbling dunce

Now comes the final stroke
Jack and Jill are done
See what happens when there’s Coke? [registered trade mark]
You can have such fun!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

that the [registered trademark] didn't throw you off.LOL
~Gee

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author comment

Hmm...maybe I need to go b to regular Coke instead of diet lmao. I liked this and it will be of great use later on. The short lines really help in the SS feel...................stan

were meant to compliment the SS type of poem that this is supposed to be. Glad I did it right. Thanks, ~ Gee

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

author comment

sing-songy and a fun write

only one thing maybe worth a comment
'She potatoes, he’s the meat'
maybe either
'She's potatoes, he’s the meat'
or
'She potatoes, he the meat'

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

We are excelling in this first simple part of this workshop yours is Great,
Yours Ian.T ( What a coke (Trade mark of some drink) head)

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

lovely write gee.Enjoyed your first lines here for the shop.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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