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Bane

I'm talking about
conspiracy theorists
dumpster diving
connoisseurs of rot
sniffing out foulness
to circulate the www.

wanna-be reconstructionists
of a jig-sawed world
their tiny little fingers
puzzling in fury
as if animated by the gods of indignation
and rightous self-promotion

fools

(I wanted to say "fucking assholes", but what good would that do)

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Gripping stuff. I haven't read you in a while.
I was wondering if "that ilk" could somehow be linked too "fools" in the last line.

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

I think dropping "that ilk" altogether might be best. One must be ready, and able to kill off (toss away) one's darlings. Why I would consider "ilk" a darling of the piece is tooooo subjective to justify, even to myself,
so it will be easy to do. "slash and burn"

thanks for taking time on this slight little piece.

Al

author comment

It may be, or a relegating of a Lego piece. It will figure in its own right when the season & Muse presents itself. I hope I have been of useful service to you. Cheers.

__________________________________________________
'Break, break break on thy cold grey stones, O Sea.'

yes,this time, just a trim. no slashing and burning required.

your comments and insights are always useful and wonderfully communicated

Al

author comment

Al, A good write but I lost the plot somewhere but Sparrow came in and said let me have a go at a comment today so I will leave him to it, God help us, yours Ian.T

Conspiracy Theory put about by the powers that be, where they say that each dumpster has gold flake at the bottom, so that there would be more trash recycled, thus easing the drain of resources of the economy, I fail to see that.
But they say it also puts up the employment of street cleaners that are needed to clear up the mess after the dumpster divers have divulged their crap.
The other bits well A Holes, not sure if you should be so pointed about the afflicted it's not PC.. and Anglo Saxon is frowned on, La La
Yours Sparrow

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

fuck PC

it is antithetical to poetry, truth, and real communication

I hope everything is ok in your world and life today, and for many tomorrows

thanks for tha visit

Al

author comment

But it would do good to say
"fucking assholes"
It's true.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

thanks again, Jess

Al

author comment
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