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A Ballet in Reverse

Iridescent pools in narrowing
concentric circles

rainshields strike from pavement
to sky

the skeletal tone of bells in the heavens
the holy statues return from mass

a naked dancer
spiralling through her own dimension

the clerk meanders from temple
to typewriter

footfalls stark as an angel's wing

an era in shadow rises before him
the castle, a heaven an imagined landscape

all things that have been
and will come again

the nightmarish beauty
of the old town hall clock

in retrograde motion
of an invading army

time reintroduces itself
to the dream drunken mind

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


Its a picturesque poem, and genteel. Broadly you understand writing craft. To me It feels like an exercise though in gilding lilies. When you see great dancing you are let into the soul, body and passion of the dancer spinning a seduction, forcing you to bend to their will They give all and in doing so force the viewer into submission as in the weight of sorrow or the sudden starts of surprise. etc.

time reintroduces itself
to the dream drunken mind

This last line is nicely suggestive but it remains etheric like a censored Disney movie and I want at least the fiction of comedy, fear, private thoughts, desire etc

"Living with you is like living
at boarding school:
chicken Monday, fish Tuesday."

Make me feel!

thanks for reading mr Zebra I guess an alternate title could be "the big crunch"

author comment

Man as in beings, still has a beauty even though religion is failing. Some hark back to the days religion and it's propagators ruled by fear. That's what I imagine when I read this poem. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

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