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Awkwardness

Let me set the scene for you
Because I think you have it all so wrong
There was no sunshine or cloudless skies
It was awkward with things that didn’t belong

Let me set the scene again
Because you don’t really understand
There was no trigger, no reason at all
It was way too awkward to have been planned

Where once laughter & joy was heard
Now the sound was that of a blackbird’s song
Every candle flickered then burnt itself out
Then silence; deafening, awkward & long

It wasn’t gradual, nor even subtle
In the blink of an evil eye
She changed her smile into misery

It wasn’t subtle, nor even gradual
In the blink of an evil eye
Her perfect smile became history

Awkwardness bled from every orifice
She was no longer pure like the angel I once knew
She wore the skin of a demon & breathed fire with every word
I tried to protect myself from the outburst & poison
But I was infected with the awkwardness & I fell
I never saw it coming, now I bleed too

There was no cure from the insanity that I had been cursed with
There was no place where I could find sanctuary
I had been condemned ‘til my final day
The song of the blackbird wouldn’t stop screeching in my head
I had been forced into a relentless state of distress

I have become one with her disease; awkwardness

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

An outstanding and very beautifully crafted poem.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

thanks my friend,

regards

One.

.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

author comment

it is so good to have you back with us!!! I was very worried about you. it isn't as if I could hail a cab and show up on your door step. nope...all I have is my computer and the internet! now that I am done scolding you, I shall begin on your poem.

it all began with the appearance of a Blackbird and his song. out of the blue (I heard the crack of Doom) and everything became "off kilter" I like how you took great pains in the beginning to stress things becoming (Awkward). after that, the very air changes and turns ominous! with the silence becoming "deafening, awkward, & long". (even the ampersand instead of "and" through the poem is awkward!) kudos!
I like how you drew out her quickly changing, it is at odds with the piece. once an angel she now breaths fire an poison to infect the innocent. a total shock and surprise out of the blue! it becomes very personal,as you are infected with the fatal disease, awkwardness. my favorite lines are:

There was no cure from the insanity that I had been cursed with
There was no place where I could find sanctuary
I had been condemned ‘til my final day
The song of the blackbird wouldn’t stop screeching in my head
I had been forced into a relentless state of distress

I have become one with her disease; awkwardness

and the transformation is now complete!
once again your muse has kissed you, I am very impressed (or has it cursed you? such thoughts don't come cheap or easy!)

love, Sis

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I feel very scolded...should I still be laughing?

I wanted the whole piece to be awkward as well as the theme!

Thanks as always for reading & commenting.

regards

One.

.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

author comment

with the flow of this piece. It starts out being fluid and expresses the mood of everything being alright. The tone changing at the start of the fourth stanza with an abruptness that shows right away in the three line verse that doesn't rhyme until the next stanza; as if it were only then reminded that there is supposed to be a rhyme. The last of the piece makes sense
but no rhyming until the first of next to last stanza and then the last line of the last; as though a desparete attempt at the last to draw it all together. Nicest work I've seen from you in a while. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

It's supposed to be totally awkward even the "desperate attempt" to bring it all together.

I appreciate you taking time out to read & comment,

regards

One

.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

author comment

you have succeeded in your attempt! It is my pleasure to read and comment on the work of "all" our poets. Appreciation is noted! ~Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

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