Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

In Awe of Night

A verdant night
consumes my eyes,
beyond is a light
in blackened skies

portals opened
the unseen seen,
shooting comets
develop a dream

A violin cries
of the deepest dark,
winging my heart
sound found its mark

now in the darkness
my apron of sorrow,
is thrown on the ground
draped into tomorrow

I cant my face
up to the moon,
filling my heart
it vibrates to croon

trees of the shade
move without form,
grass is curling
this isn’t the norm

A lonely sparrow
rests on a pole,
through his eyes
I see pure soul

flickering leaves
move on the ground,
the air caresses
as it swirls around

my drying mouth
moves without word,
lips start to speak
but nothing is heard

this magical eve
wrapped into my gaze,
and through my tears
is a beautiful haze

night watchers at peace
are reclining on stars,
they are resting their feet
on the front steps of Mars

I close my eyes
to this spectacular sight,
and relaxing my body
I fade out to white

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Just a whim or a dream, maybe...
Editing stage: 

Comments

Like your last few words suggested, this read more like several images stitched together, so I doubt there was a point you were driving at. Because I didn't get any.

"I close my eyes
to this spectacular sight,
and relaxing my body
I fade out to white"

The last stanza though, is ambiguous. You spoke of dreaming, but this seemed more like death. It may be my usual morbidness, but that's what I saw. And it made the poem a bit more powerful.

"night watchers at peace
are reclining on stars,
they are resting their feet
on the front steps of Mars"

That right there is my favourite stanza. The rhyme was spot on and the image "front steps of Mars" delightful.

.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

I guess this is like a slide show in word, I just wrote what I saw in my mind sometimes this is how they come out, glad you liked the front steps of Mars big smile

I guess the ending is a kind of death, a death of that what can never be again

thanks for reading and leaving your thoughts they are always appreciated

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

To me my cave to you the universe stretching out to sleep.
Spreading out as a dream your thoughts carried along to a peace.
Lovely write as long as you believe in your own minds journey's.
Each day and that dreaded evening time will mellow into what you need.
Take care young lady and go with our Love always,
Yours Sparrow

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

One day when I am rich (haha) I want a bedroom with a glass ceiling so I can see the sky as I fall asleep I so love it, I am sure your cave has its beauty as well ;) thanks for reading and commenting

much love always JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

I have put a glass roof in the darkest part of my cave now the stars drift as gossamer across the space, it is a glass that you can only dream of, sometimes crystals glow within its structure, then each star can be held with its planets to drift away the evenings, I like the day time when it has a fire opal texture that changes and dances to the music of the spheres.
Healing sounds that let me drift with the universe, I shall send some samples to your next dreams, where you can choose, but as each of us are so different, I suspect lavender clouds and those children looking in on you, with their warm smiles to keep you safe, never forget that there are beautiful people out there looking for you, so out you must go as soon as possible lol, Take care young one, Yours as always Ian x
PS:- The line..I cant my face.. would it hurt it to put tilt in there?
"I can tilt my face"
This would also give it a child like quality xx
As Stan said the use of the word "cant" is brill but I had to go to my old 1958 dictionary for the word to be clearer and in the context you meant, it is a word I would have used when very young, may be I will have to send you a new dictionary La La..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I have been having some amazing dreams the last few nights, not sure if its the drugs or what your sending me big big smile, you paint a picture above so vividly that I can close my eyes and see it hun, you really should write a poem about that, one day when you have time, and I don't think the word cant is brill lol maybe in your tongue but not mine stamps foot :P hahahaha bigger smile

are you calling me old ? well its true I was born a century too soon in some ways and a century too late in others lol maybe next life I will get it right ;)

with love always Jayne xxxx

p.s. I have a little news I will PM you before I logoff tonight

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

Thank you for all your words, I see the children are playing, I hope you dream in colour as they have many more than we have or are aware of here.
How they mix colour with feelings I am not sure of but as you know they can, I shall write a piece of their ways and how they come to talk with me when they wish to or when I ask of them something for my friends.
They always say it is done, you only have to think there is no need to talk, it is something to do with the energy they give off.
I will leave it at that for now, just you rest and in dream times they will heal you, though I have to stress it is the think they attend not the physical side but they are linked and you must bridge the two in your ways.
Take care young Lady and It is till hot here from some ones think the other day LOL,
Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

hahahaha Hot you say ? lol I wouldn't know anything about that ;)

big love Jayne xxxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

Damn Ian's been wandering the Earth plain in a daze
For a few Days LOL.
The temp here shot up and it is now cooling, then Ian has to answer your reply on another poem and there those poets are boiling and I think he must have a fever, La La,
this is sparrow talking Ian has wandered off muttering about finding a cool place to rest, something about cold showers not working.
You take care these earthly things don't bother me I just fly to the nearest tree, Yours Sparrow Te He He

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I will have to talk to Ian about wandering off, walkabout happens that way ;) and cold showers are invigorating I have been told a lot recently not sure why though (insert puzzled face) lmao !!!

with love always Jayne xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

bless be the poet who spins
my mind in a circle of wonder
giving me courage to dream
to share all that i could offer

my heart dance with joy
with each magical verse
the soul wants more
to quench this long thirst

bless be you, my friend
for the gift of visions
beautifully crafted in words
the sharing of emotions.....

love
Alid

Thank you for the gift of words
they are always appreciated

I am so very happy my little night write
inspired you to the pen

hugs and love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

Thank you

oh spinner of beautiful words
whose magic inspires me,
feeding my passion each night
how i wish i could meet thee!

with your fine tapestry
you filled me with such delight
through vivid imagery
full of colours in glorious light

you've taken me
to the stars
to the moon,
to the soul of hearts
to the arms of the universe
the definition of your art

blessed i am to know you
my angel,
my idol,
my guide
my light,
my poet friend
whom i'll admire
without end

thank you for your gifts
that grants me courage
and reason to believe
i can be better with age
"keep on writing" you say
and yes i will obey

Alid

That just made me smile so wide thank you :)...After a crappy week that made my night, thank you for the gift of your words, my friend your journey is just beginning and the only limits you have are the ones you put on your own mind ;)

love and hugs Jayne xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

Beauty can be its own meaning can't it. Not sure I've ever seen or thought to use the word "cant" in a poem. Wonderful snaps shots..........stan

I have actually used it a couple times and I use it because I love the sound it makes when I say it, I really love that word I try not to overuse my favourite words though, I save them for the right time...

I am very happy you liked it hun

love and hugs Jayne xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.