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Authentic expression

Yahoo! Woohoo! Yeehaa!
The yobbo checks furtively,
to make sure everyone can see,
he is having fun.

Editing stage: 

Comments

I understand where this is coming from, but don't you think that"furtively"- which means to do something quietly and secretly, contradicts with the foĺlowing sentence ( to make sure everyone can see)? Maybe 'regularly'
But I'm a bit sick so perhaps it's only me.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Many people copy others to have fun, grieve, express sadness or sentimentality. If you watch closely you will see they have no authentic emotions. They copy other people.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

experiences these things in one way or another. This is something humane, therfore, we needn't to copy as you imagine.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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there is indeed compassion there. In times of strong feeling we often just don't know what to do or say.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

We are alone most of the time but we were meant to live in a group, only man's selective morality etc keep us apart. So i can see where we would copy each other when coming together, look at a pack of distressed Apes they all have similar actions. So when in a group we'd want to see the groups reaction to our emotions. Good poem Jess, Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Some emotion is deep and valid, some is Kardshian crap.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

flounced into the chat room demandin a moments silence and prayer for the victims of the Haitian earthquake. She was an inauthentic human being, only wanting to demonstrate what a good caring Christian she was. A phoney.

I told her if she believed in an interventionistic god then pray for him to stop causing catastrophes in the first place.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

but i know a belief is beyond just the pain anger and fear....

an american expression is love
is Sh*** Happens

expecting a greater source to create for us
a perfect existance would not have allowed
creativity.....our great painful existance

and we are mirrors fakeness or not
i understand this
people throw our anger too and its fake
in our faces to each other
disdain
arrogance

and truth happiness too
thats stunning
stops me in my tracks

one of my favourite books was of a girl
from california raised in a room from birth
i suspect..a window and a dog outside
the backyard
its a famous case
not raised by wolves even
a true window to what we are
stripped of almost no input

language comprehension music
arrives by four they said
from studies
im not a doctor psychic
and a poet only

today i am struggling too
with the world
but i am leaving each electric fence
put up by myself
or others
and walking through to a wider
realm

not all reflections are battles
although i want to challenge them
all

but i do understand.....

thank you..

although bitter is perhaps not the right word.

I just find it a bit phoney

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

If you listen carefully you will hear the can of worms opening lol.
Loved this in my solitary yobbish state.
Then noticed they had turned their snobbish backs on me.
Take care young Elf you may be sitting on the wrong toadstool.
Yours as always, Cryptic Joe.
.
Have a great few days extra off La La

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Very interesting piece. Much said with few words.

Scott

Scott

that's what I like to do.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

In the true nature of Martial : the irony of the antithesis "furtively....see'' is the heart of this piece.""

As for God et al, we each try to find a way to get through our humanity and the fear of the unknown. The "hypocrite"' is the one who has failed at his choice but persists just the same, All form, no content,

at the risk of rustling those Aussie feathers, I will say,

Christus tecum,,my friend, and a peaceful new year

Joe

my feathers are often rustled. Not in this case, however, I am feeling un-flustered and at peace with the world.
Thanks, my friend.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

it is very interesting that you chose fun for this example of "authentic expression". I usually see people do this (look to see if others are watching) with anger, pain, fear, embarrassment, and other similar emotions. I guess it is normal to be self-conscious when you're demonstrating emotions that people are usually taught to hide or emotions that don't fit polite society's idea of appropriate. Then again, too happy or too emotional in general is typically also frowned upon in social situations that demand "inside voices" and things like that.

I know this isn't exactly what you're talking about. This poem is more about the narrator wanting others to know that they are in fact having fun (regardless of if they are or not), as if the social situation requires a lot of emotion, instead of the opposite like I mentioned above. What do you think about all this? Do you think it's weird that we feel as if we have to fake smiles (or hoots and hollers) just to make other people more comfortable or to avoid being judged negatively?

PS: I like the brief length and the clarification the title provides. The pace makes me want to read this as an ABBA rhyme instead of an ABBC rhyme, though. If you decide to work on it, you might consider starting there.

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I assume a yobbo is some type of loud bird in Australia. I would never have thought to use a single word (furtively) to connect the action of people and birds. But then I Do tend to ramble on and on in my poetry with no idea when to stop rambling on and on ....like this comment lol.......BTW a great example of a perfect word (furtively)...........stan

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