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Asylum's Height (reworked)
Asylum's Height
through
earth and sky
ever flowing in tune
with the portals
connecting dimensions
coupling heart with mind
measuring breath
for heartbeat
Silence
hung between
mountain reflections
beyond practiced
night
massive windows emerged
...slowly...
imperceptibly
between thick snow clouds
the pillows of ubiquity
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
This is another piece for the manuscript, Mirror/rorriM by (me) c.m. mattison.any and all suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
Thanks, Cat
Editing stage:
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Northwestern Wisconsin USA
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Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda and many more.
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Comments
judyanne
Mon, 2012-04-02 13:22
hi cat xx
what can i say?
beautiful descriptive
great word choice
just me, but i would make 'silence' begin a new stanza
love
'hung between
mountain reflections
beyond practiced
night
massive windows emerged
...slowly...'
also as for the title and the last line - awesome
love judy
xxxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Candlewitch
Wed, 2012-04-04 11:29
Dear Judy,
after utilizing yours and Lonnie's suggestions, I think I have a better poem :) Thank you, it is always a pleasure to hear from you.
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2012-04-04 11:33
Dear Lonnie,
I do so hope you know how much I appreciate your critiques and especially your suggestions! Thank you for everything! You are an excellent supporter.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentNordic cloud
Wed, 2012-04-04 10:49
I stay in a silent awe,
Agree with both above even the details,
and find this very special;
I stay in a silent awe,
lovely images :)
Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Candlewitch
Wed, 2012-04-04 11:36
Dear Ann,
I am glad I have pleased and entertained you with this write! Does this mean I can give Stan (Scribbler) a run for the money in nature poetry? Nah... he remains the champ for his rythem and rhyme, lol!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentNordic cloud
Wed, 2012-04-04 12:56
"silence hung between mountain reflections, "
Dear Cat, this is so very different,
it has other dimensions that are not mere nature poetry-
its even "connecting dimensions" ha,
but seriously the "silence hung between mountain reflections,
is something else,
so exciting,
and practised night" is daunting,
the philosophical undertone gives it the other dimension,
due to the images sparking off our imagination
in quite other directions to the normal.
Stan's are different, you are different
and each with your own 'twist',
(in Norwegian this word I would use here,
but it doesn't seem exactly right now,) tant pis!
"the portals connecting dimensions"
So much to ponder in this poem, super Cat.
LuvAnn.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Candlewitch
Fri, 2012-04-06 11:06
Dearest Ann,
Thank you for your appreciation of my poem. I used to go snow skiing in the mountains and night skiing was always my favorite. I felt like I was in a huge cathedral. A true meaning of the usage of the word "awesome" applies here. I also lived it the mountains of Colorado for one wonderful year of my life. Had to move on with my husbands work took us :(
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
author commentNordic cloud
Fri, 2012-04-06 13:05
I skied to visit people in
I skied to visit people in Telemark and several times in the dark, one time with someone we used the moonlight to see our way. I used the ski sticks to feel the edges of the snowy road. Sailing along seemingly no where is special I agree, I would like to live a year in Northern Norway where one skies by the light of the Aurora Borealis wow.
Darkness all day and the wide moor like spaces north of the mountains, south of the mountains, the mountains stand round the bays like a great white eerie audience, that too is awesome, I have seen the places in the Summer when it was twilight. That place was Alta, where there are hundreds of rock carving/paintings, a UNESCO place Jeibmaluokta in Sami. The sea was prussian blue and the rocks grey with red paintings...I felt like early man must have done, mostly on my own at these places thanks be.
Yes Cat, loveAnn.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Cloudthings
Wed, 2012-04-04 21:02
Lovely Cat, really great imagery & so evocative all the way thro
Lovely Cat, really great imagery & so evocative all the way through, I wish I had something to offer that might actually add, but all I have for this is praise & encouragement & my desire to read more of your work, loving it!
Anni xx
Cheers
Anni
My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"
Candlewitch
Thu, 2012-04-05 10:48
Dear Anni,
That is high praise coming from you, whose work I admire greatly. Thank you!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
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