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The arrival

Late morning. Cloudy.
White light fills the street,
muffles the horns
somehow making
white noise louder.

Whooshing of the tires,
clanking of the bare branches,
scarce applauding
of the windowpanes and doors.

Gray walls are soaked.
Roofs glisten.
People beneath
are umbrella-ready.

I do not have wings.
I fly with the sounds.
Into the open window,
through the balcony door
or through the wall,
this part I don't remember,
but I enter the room.

A tall man ironing shirts
and talks to an infant.

I look at the ceiling
through the string
of the bright colorful toys
and smile to the words
I am yet to learn.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Your language use is pretty good...the line "this part I don't remember" adds realism to the experience you have created in the verse...

thanks for posting...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank you, well done critique!

IRiz

author comment

white noise?
pardon my blatant ignorance
madam

Google it, my friend.
You are pardoned for now.

IRiz

author comment

when my eyes get
colorfully
BLIND

Through your own obstinate commitment to write only quality verse I failed to teach you much meter.
However you have a poet's ear and voice for cadence. This absolutely required a reading. I hope I did it some justice.
You are brilliant.
And it's not just the sound. You create such a personal moment, elegantly, apparently effortlessly (though I know that is an illusion).
No critique, I'm sorry.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0DcH2049fQr

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

Dear Jess,
Thank you very much for your kind words.
Your reading is fabulous.
It is a real treat for me to hear my poem from another continent with an accent unusual for me. It survived the teleportation.
I on the other hand gave up to sleep. LOL.

IRiz

author comment

white noise
ˌ(h)wīt ˈnoiz/
nounPhysics
noun: white noise

noise containing many frequencies with equal intensities.
thanks
LEARNT
a new version of frequencies of sounds
as an engineer
I admit my ignorance
and
so I apologize

now I have also learned about brown and pink noise
earlier I mentioned inks only

we learn only
with an INTERNET
steel brush
which alone
Googles

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