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ARBORETUM

The conifers are always green and never undress
And expose their naked barks and veins
At the first shortening of daylight

They do not use the ground like a toilet
For their seasonal hair loss
Adding to the primal mud that nourishes them

Rather they drop these little cones
Of sculpted wooden tears
On surrounding soft carpets
Made of the finest capellini

Some are the skyscrapers of trees
Others crawl in colors across the field
Some have hair wild as the Medusa

Conifers are the green of renaissance
I am the black the white the grey
I am in a shy meditation on how
To become one in the next life

When the stone path is full of spring moss
Or the evergreen is sprinkled with icicles
You will find me by the conifer woods
Trying to feel as only green can feel

Editing stage: 

Comments

For a formal critique, I have only three small points.
1. I'm not entirely sure if the word "toilet" is directly connected to hair loss. I love the idea behind it, but maybe you could rework that line to have a bit more continuity.
2. "wooden sculptured tears." For me, this reads a bit awkwardly. Perhaps "wooden sculpted tears" or "sculpted wooden tears" would work better.
3. I like the idea or reincarnation and eternity in your last two stanzas. Maybe you could work the term and eternal idea of the word "evergreen" into there somewhere. I think it would be fitting for the subject of the poem as well as the regenerative idea.
Those are just my thoughts. Take what you like, leave what yu don't.

On a more informal note, I personally loved the poem. The first and third stanzas reminded me of a childhood experience of licking drops of melting snow from the tips of an old hemlock in my yard. The cold, rystaline innocence of that moment is captured beautifully here for me.

Thank you indeed for your insightful comments! You are correct, I will use "sculpted wooden tears", much better, "sculptured" was the wrong word. I will consider using "or the evergreen is sprinkled with icicles", I do not think it harms the meter in that line and I was concerned about using the word "green" twice in the stanza as I did. I will keep "toilet" for now as it has a vulgar connotation, as if to imply the deciduous trees are surrounded by the brown oozy leaves around them, (like poop), and the image we get from hairs in our sinks or drains is also quite yucky. Most people put the excess from the brush in the toilet as well, and all I was hoping would provide an image in contrast to the "neatness" of the conifers.

The poem was based on the Arboretum in Washington DC which I am fortunate to live near. I have visited many world class botanical gardens and arboretums (Cape Town, Vienna, Buenos Aires, Vancouver..) and the one in DC is by far the most amazing. I have my favorite spot in the conifer section, and can pass hours there in all seasons in solitude in a few acres of these trees from all around the planet. It is a very unique and lucky find!

Thanks so much again for your comments, and I will be looking up that Heany work.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

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