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Another Dead God

There was an old god, Abrahamic
whose vengeance was scaled panoramic
but when the tides of science turned
the ignorant bugger got burned
by the first law, thermodynamic

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

first testemonials...burned offerin's
all that smoting
alexanders library torched
shame..
prolli all the alien technology to
keep us more under control
although we are looney as ever
as humans!!

saw a good show on the abos
they just pointed to the sky
when the brit captian asked
them where they come from!

maybe they know something..

great poem!

Mr Wolf!

did you know that indigenous Australian people read the stars by the spaces in between?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

was Steerpike, from Mervyn Peake's "Gormenghast" trilogy.
No mere serial killer, the prick burnt a library.

We often steer in similar directions, Mr Wolf.
If I don't reply at length it is because I am a man of as few words as humanly possible. [grins]

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Good write, look I is going to be cremated does that mean I is bad.
Take care and know we love you bru..
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

the laws of physics are much more useful than the laws of men pretending to speak for gods.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

If you are a fisherman and need worms I see your point about not being cremated (Smiles) Picks up quill again..
When you say that the Aborigines go by the spaces between the stars , is this not where the Dark matter comes in, and here's me thinking they were a loving spiritual people not ones working on the dark side ????
Jess apart from fun and playing with words, You have a great 2017 and I hope that life brings to you all you need.
Our love as always Ian, and family, Oh! and the children.

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Years ago I pointed out to a teacher that indigenous Australians have constellations by the dark spaces between the stars and this might have something to do with an extraordinarily high rate of apparent "dyslexia" amongst Indigenous Australian children. Turns out they were looking at the white space with black markings instead of the black markings as letters. Simple. Educational revolution. I got no credit.
Not bitter, just glad it finally fucking happened!

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

A great limerick, serious and
true ... loved it Jess, inspirational.

mate

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I love the fact that you don't mince words. you cut right to the heart of the matter.

(I'm going to be cremated, as humans already take up too much space! let my ashes be fertilizer)

*hugs, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Cat and Richard

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Chaos

Revel in the chaos
Dance to the divine complexity of the universe
Those who don't live at the edge
take up too much space.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I'll keep that in mind as I pursue my daily quest to fight off the mundane ;)

love, Cat (with all the voices in her head)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Good work, with a pertinent message. Regards Roscoe....

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

I really appreciate the positive feedback, it's hard to write serious limericks.
You must recognise this one is structurally flawed.
I would appreciate any suggestions.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

"and righteously when science turned
the ignorant bugger got good and burned
by the first laws of thermo-dynamic!"

such crispy words..pun intended..
the flow stutters on the move to when
because its a single said word..
I love when because its an often elongated
used word...
the n ending being dragged along when
someone is making an emphasis..
as in Scene! " I am looking for the report
of the UFO case back in sixty eight..."
"Oh Yah...I know that one."..(actor sitting
in chair at desk..rolls deskchair to file
cabinet in rural newspaper office..)
"Whennnn...roll of chair digs through
files....".those two blokes in the combi!
back in the outback drew that scene,
Yes here it is!!

I like that the flaw makes for a better
read...(yours) and is more descriptive
I understand that to be true and correct
the flaw must not be there..

I appreciate the love of true..
I love polished car commercials
and perfume ads so this christmas
visually I was in heaven!
Lincoln Navigator and Juicy Couture
ads...

but equally I love the raw talents
and vids I love on Internet!

this is just my reworking as I always
love to call it on peoples works
poetry is like waltzs or this
craze thing they love to do
thats now old called the "Shuffling"
that kids like!

still...Your limericks are wonderful
and remind me of the old days
My dad loved limericks and a
few uncles..they were risque
but loved the memory work
of the sometimes longer pieces
Thank U! Elf

Mr Wolf!

That is very gratifying feedback,
Ah, that word 'when', maybe 'then' though I prefer when as a certain inevitability rather than just a whim of history.
And I certainly would not include the word 'righteously', that belongs to the judgementalism I oppose (and hypocritically practice, I freely admit).

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

then...finger raised moment held in seconds..turning on heel
i see the gutteral truths of the use of when...
excellent..your mind is a brilliant shard
as towering as the redstone
or the silver dime rolled loose
on the counter of the counter revolution
'pack of paper and thumbtacks' that will
be six dollars and eight seven cents please!

W

There was an old god, Abrahamic
whose vengeance was scaled panoramic
and naturally when science turned
the ignorant bugger got good and burned
by the first law, thermo-dynamic

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

when i use words like righteously
Its with tongue in cheek..
I listened to the old FM broadcasts
years ago...all propoganda...
those ka billionaires raking it in
from the minds of pablum pushers
still...I liked their slick polish of
how they gathered the idle coin
of the flock!!!

Nice Poem!

Thank U! Elf!

Mr Wolf!

I don't see anything that needs changing.

The rhyme and the rhythm may dance,
it's not easy to write and to prance,
But I do what I dare
with minimal care
as over my shoulder a glance.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Worry not by a silly old god,
his behaviour has always been odd
when asked why he made man
he said it was better than ham
and tasted like well ripened cod.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

was one of Noah's three sons, along with Shem and Japheth.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

and I'm tired, or you would have set me off on a spree of limerick writing. One is never usually enough.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

How many times must I say?
Let’s get it right once more today
For a rhyme you are in a jam
You are right when you said
That man tasted like ham,
The rest of your rhyme a sod
Tell God no man tastes like cod.

Love you all

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

the prick burnt a library.
r u sure jess
it was not the other way around

as a typo of good
created a god
as a bad spell maybe
but since then he dwells
as god only
and so lonely

hence

then in a library
was burnt his prick.

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