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Another bloody aftermath

Submitted by The Eccentric poet on Thu, 2022-06-30 00:37

Today I Systematically Smashed
Our prized wedding photograph,
Used the shards to cut me deep,
Couldn't bear for you to hear me weep
Or try to be kind to me,
You know self-love doesn't come easily.

So, I stayed sat in the bath,
Of another bloody aftermath
My poignant pain was well deserved
The pitiful penance had been served
Didn't want you to hear me breathe
"I'm so glad that you didn't succeed"

This wasn't for us the first time,
For you to clean these old wounds of mine.
The copious crimson was quickly cleared
brushing away all my tormented tears.
You didn't want me to suffer alone
"All you had to do was pick up the phone"

"Next time you dedicate,
Your actions to the bad choices you make.
I don't want to see you leave,
My heart for you will always grieve
How am I supposed to know what's going on
When you don’t stand up and tell anyone?"

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
This is about my suicide attempt in a bit more detail, I'm sorry that it's a bit gory but I was hoping for it to come across more Wilfred Owen than Sam Raimi. At least I have a conclusion to my poem even though it has a rubbish title, the ending was inspired by a comment made by Geezer who remarked that I should tell people my heart is broken instead of leaving them to guess. I hope I have been able to convey the frustration my husband Robin feels when I shut him out and then he has to come home to a 'bloody aftermath'
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Thu, 2022-06-30 04:05

Candlewitch's picture
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Used the shards to cut (me) deep, instead of me (down)
So, I stayed (sat) in the bath, (sitting,) perhaps?
So, I stayed (sat) in the bath, (sitting) reads easier.

I don't want to see you leave,
My heart for you will always grieve (these two lines are forced rhyme)

my favorite lines are:

My poignant pain was well deserved
The pitiful penance had been served
Didn't want you to hear me breathe
"I'm so glad that you didn't succeed"

*hugs, Cat

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