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Anniversary (revised)
"Anniversary"
A bouquet of roses
from your hands to mine,
while chilling on ice
a bottle of wine.
Gift box on the table
tied with red bows,
logs burn in the fireplace
while outside it snows
.
Long tapered candles
dimly lighting the room,
gently dispersing
those tendrils of gloom.
The moonlight streaming
through the windowpane,
soft music playing
an old lover's refrain.
Slow dancing in candle glow
you whisper warm and sincere,
so softly you reassure me
with "I love you my dear."
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
This poem was written in honor of 30 years of marriage which Steve and I celebrate on the 27th of June. I will be going into the manuscript "Mirror rorriM" please do make suggestions if you have them, they are most welcome.
thanks, Cat
ps.
thanks to those who helped with suggestions and those who read and responded!
Editing stage:
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Region & Country
Northwestern Wisconsin USA
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Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda and many more.
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Comments
Rula
Tue, 2012-06-19 11:35
beautiful writing
And with lots of feelings..More happy years to come dear Cat
Don't you think it should be
You whisper warmly and "sincerely" as it describes here the verb whisper
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Candlewitch
Wed, 2012-06-20 11:25
Dear Rula,
Thank you for reading and responding. I hope I have fixed the problem. Your suggestions are appreciated!
always, Cat
*
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author commentloved
Tue, 2012-06-19 12:46
Such lovely soft and smooth feelings
Such lovely soft and smooth feelings
will anyone with you endear
have no fear
life is a beautiful gift ,
i hope you do hear
and
enjoy , Cat
an anniversary
for us all
you are so dear..
loved
Candlewitch
Wed, 2012-06-20 11:27
Thank You Dearest Loved...
You say the lovliest things! You are loved.
love, Cat
*
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author commentloved
Wed, 2012-06-20 13:51
I assure myself
that reverie
must have taken you back on this xth
anniversary.
as if
'twere the first one.
loved
Candlewitch
Fri, 2012-06-22 10:48
Thank you Loved,
& hugs!
always, Cat
*
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author commentRoscoe Lane
Tue, 2012-06-19 18:35
He's,
He's a lucky man and i'm sure he appreciates this lovely poem. Love Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
Candlewitch
Wed, 2012-06-20 11:29
Dear Roscoe,
Thank you for your gracious comment and good wishes!
always, Cat
*
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author commentarja
Tue, 2012-06-19 20:24
Happy Anniversary to you and your love!
..i feel loves warmth in here, and the images flash by..very close at heart! ..you have captured the very moment and shared it with us here.. lovely write!
Candlewitch
Wed, 2012-06-20 11:30
Dear arja,
Thank you for a lovely comment!
:)
always, Cat
*
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And responds, please be courteous
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author commentscribbler
Tue, 2012-06-19 22:01
Hi newly wed
The emotions are all here. Normally I'd not offer suggestions considering the subject but since you made a point of wanting ideas here goes :
1st I'd break it into 4 line stanzas
then
....L-3 try while chilling in ice
...L-7 tied with red bows (helps later rhyme)
...L-8 logs burn in the fireplace
...L-11 gently dispersing
...L-15 soft music playing
...L-16 an old lovers' refrain
I think these or other changes might help this read smoother. As usual feel free to use any or all ideas as you see fit.(but I expect Steve will love it as is)............stan
Candlewitch
Wed, 2012-06-20 11:36
Dear Stan,
Thank you for all your help! I have followed it to the letter! You have a great eye for form and content! You and your suggestions are most welcome on all of my (& eddy's) poems!
Hugs, Cat
*
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author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2012-06-20 11:38
Thank You Lonnie,
my most loyal and gracious reader!
Hugs, Cat
*
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author commentjudyanne
Wed, 2012-06-20 23:04
dearest cat
i wish you and steve the happiest of anniverseraries
and this is a beautiful poetic way to celebrate your appreciation
nothng to crit
love judy
xxx
ps - hope you are feeling better and getting over your flu xx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Candlewitch
Fri, 2012-06-22 10:46
Dear Judy,
Thank you for reading and commenting on the poem for my special day. I am getting better, slowly, thanks to an immune system that sucks. Thank you for asking and thinking of me. You are very kind, as you always have been.
love, Cat
*
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author commentIan.T
Fri, 2012-07-06 18:59
Cat
Congratulations on the 30 years of Love and having a love that is still the fire it was, lovely to know that you as many people have something so precious..
Love evolves Love, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Candlewitch
Thu, 2012-10-04 12:41
:)
Thank you, dear Ian!
always, Cat
*
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author commentNilmini
Wed, 2012-10-03 12:29
Now
... THIS IS MY STYLE!
I love the romance that's filled to the brim. Together with the smooth flow of words, the Rhyming and the rhythem, your poem makes me want to waltz round the room. Thank you so much for this gift.
And I wish you both decades of more shared love and happiness!
With lots of love and a big hug!
Candlewitch
Thu, 2012-10-04 12:45
Dear Nilmini,
It was so very sweet of you to page through the archives to this poem and comment! I appreciate it greatly! I very much enjoyed chatting with you yesterday!
Wishing you all the best,
Cat
*
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