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And You Touch Back

Submitted by Eumolpus on Tue, 2018-09-11 21:45

We wear each other’s reflection
We carry each other’s shadow

We wear each other’s sorrows
We carry each other’s terror of darkness

Some guide us to pillars of marble
Others lead us to the wildflowers

At times my eyes see the veils of light
At times others see the dew of milky way

We can wear each other’s smiles
We can hide in the masks of sadness

So these words touch you somewhere
And you touch back.

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

vandiemenspeak

Tue, 2018-09-11 22:44

vandiemenspeak's picture
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Of verbs. One to the other, like reflections. Is this a particular form I'm unaware of? Empathy abounds throughout, which is touching. Wasn't sure about:

At times my eyes see the veils of light
At times others see the dew of milky way

I don't see the milky way as a dew, more a vibrant band that's distinct, but that may due to light pollution and our great fortune in having a lack of it down here. This, however, is great:

We can wear each other’s smiles
We can hide in the masks of sadness

Nothing more true, nor more succinctly expressed.

Great work, I have some catching up to do!

Take care,

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

Eumolpus

Sat, 2018-09-29 10:41

Eumolpus's picture

I have considered this change for those two lines

At times my eyes see veils of northern lights
That others see as a dew of milky way

I thought at some time in the poem there should be a break with the similarities and common struggles between us to suggest we can see beauty and awe in different ways. I hope this works better.
The poem was written after a visit to the Burning Man exhibit in DC. If you are unfamiliar with this unique event, google it..it is amazing.
cheers, Mark

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

author comment

T. Harmonee

Fri, 2018-09-28 13:50

T. Harmonee's picture

Really nice. Flows well.

"Poetry is music for the human voice. Until you actually speak it or someone speaks it, it has not come into it's own."
- Maya Angelou

Eumolpus

Sat, 2018-09-29 10:43

Eumolpus's picture

looking forward to you sharing your new poems too!

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

author comment

Lavaheart

Thu, 2018-10-25 14:49

I saw this as describing the way poets touch one another, from all different places, without ever having met. I felt it was saying that we are reflections of connection: our words echoing each other's feelings, reverberating in answers of the spirit. A lovely, clean and flowing write.

Eumolpus

Thu, 2018-10-25 15:17

Eumolpus's picture

Exactly! Thank you for your comment!

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

author comment

zebra

Fri, 2018-10-26 05:23

zebra's picture

Evocative of how poetry like art and music does no harm but feelingly affirms the best in us,
unveiling both power and delicate innerness shared. In away poets, a plurality with one heart.

While smooth as silk, is it to smooth? Consider it may be idiosyncrasy but metaphorically I want at least a tear, perhaps a trickle of blood or a peaking end rapturous.
But yes, a beautiful write.

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