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Ancient Magic of the soul

Submitted by Seren on Wed, 2023-02-08 10:33

Fibrils of sepia
elongate across
the crown above,
soft white moonlight
mirrors on the floor

Awestruck, silenced,
an unspoken
gasp of reverence,
was stilled upon
my parted lips,
my night-scape
full of wonder
filigreed in starlight
is now reflected
in my eyes

In my cream temple,
my cathedral in the dark
a pencil is laid down,
and my soul laid bare

Between the fibres
on this tattered page,
ancient magic is made

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Wed, 2023-02-08 10:57

Candlewitch's picture
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beautiful! these are my favorite lines:

my night-scape
full of wonder
filigreed in starlight
is now reflected
in my eyes

*love, your Sis, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Seren

Thu, 2023-02-09 10:42

Seren's picture

Those lines you like weren't fictional. I was sitting in my chair rocking from side to side looking at the night sky, there was no moon but a billion stars it seemed that night and in the window, I noticed that my eyes were reflecting them, so reflection of reflection I guess you could call it

thanks as always for your time and your thoughts they are always valued

much love always Sis xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

Geezer

Wed, 2023-02-08 13:27

Geezer's picture
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a moment reserved for the depths of night, when all is quiet, and no one is about.
[I would say [On] the fibers of the tattered page].
A quiet night in front of the fire, where the shamans sing. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Seren

Thu, 2023-02-09 10:46

Seren's picture

A night like tonight I think except tonight is a weird one, the stars are veiled and it's so humid. I don't think I am going to get much sleep it's one of 'those' nights. Thank god for the air-conditioning.

I liked your suggestion and have already changed it

love and higgliest bugs Sis xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

RoseBlack

Wed, 2023-02-08 17:40

RoseBlack's picture
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Your poems are just so elegant and tell such beautiful tales! Well done

~RoseBlack~

Seren

Thu, 2023-02-09 10:48

Seren's picture

Thats a lovely thing to say i really appreciate it, thank you so much

I'm not always elegant in my verbiage. wink ;)

love and hugs Jayne xox

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

Rosewood Apothecary

Thu, 2023-02-09 05:15

Rosewood Apothecary's picture
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I never suggest much for you so here goes…

Awestruck, silenced,
an unspoken
gasp of reverence,
was stilled upon
my parted lips,
my night-scape
full of wonder
filigreed in starlight
is now reflected
in my eyes

I moved one word (gasp). I’m not even really sure why but somehow it felt like it delivered better that way.

You wrote pretty intense poetry,
Tim

Seren

Thu, 2023-02-09 10:51

Seren's picture

I always welcome suggestions and i really liked Geez and yours and have already changed the poem,

thanks as always for the suggestion and the read its always appreciated.

kind regards Jayne

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

Abby

Thu, 2023-02-09 10:16

Abby's picture

I simply love the language you use here. "filigreed in starlight... night-scape...my cathedral in the dark... the fibres
on this tattered page..." I just love it.

"To fly is to fall."

Seren

Thu, 2023-02-09 10:52

Seren's picture

Hi again! I really appreciate your kind comment it's really appreciated.

I am chuffed you liked it!

Kind regards Seren/Jayne-Chloe

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment
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