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The Ana (Creation Story) part three

Cumé

Time was not kythe within the void.
Though each event anew precede
the next and thence seemed Time employed,
the scope of Now did ever lead
to Now, though actions were to forward flow. 5

Therefore when Joss had reify
the myriad of all His mind,
His Host of Angels vivify,
they merged inclusive, each affined,
for lest they bond The Host had cease to grow. 10

As Mic~lak~lor and ere him same
Samwiel, did all The Host revere
their Maker when bestowed His Flame.
With them at first in heart sincere,
Samwiel joined with Now’s song in piety. 15

Their voices harking limitless,
lift euphony exorbitant
in praise when He their essence bless.
The Song of Being jubilant,
enveloped with His gloried deity. 20

It may ‘twas thus designs could stay
as Joss inward deliberate.
He would The Host put forth display
of Love new made and innovate
their praise of Him when dwell upon His whole. 25

But His deception in so far
as Self concerned was far atwain.
Betraying Him, the truth had bar
His willingness to suffer feign.
No more denied~ The Angels are His Soul. 30

Eternally is Joss alone.
Though all the Heavens bear Him laud
and glorify Him at His throne,
the joy present is purest fraud,
for God it is whom God would magnify. 35

Perceived was heart when first it break.
Nowhere in all The Angel Host,
so boundless with Himself, was ache
endured by Angels in their Boast,
of loneliness when failed the first true Lie. 40

And so did all of Kingdom cringe.
Amidst their exultation rapt
The Light grew wan and bleak. A dinge
of verity rescind untapped.
The Maker pondered how He’ll come to End. 45

The desperation Menkind know
thru struggles lonesome of despair,
are telling of His pristine woe,
for all of Man, as Angel fair,
are pieces spalled from heartstone that won’t mend. 50

Abiding in The Host was first,
abundant in the gifts bestowed
to all distinct, but singly versed,
Samwiel and keen aware when showed
the disappointment on the face of Joss. 55

Before his peers Samwiel had seen
the primal want his Maker knew.
Not even Mic~lak~lor could ween
how bitter His Creation rue.
Samwiel alone had felt a shrewd pathos. 60

As all beheld, The Star of Morn
entreat the object of his care
in hopes to ease His sense forlorn.
“I would, O Maker, voice my prayer.
‘Of thee am I and these made infinite. 65

The facets represent in me
are varied and far reaching as
the breadth of Angel panoply.
They form anew your depths, whereas
I ween you mourn desire feared forfeit.’” 70

But twice again will Joss be moved
by what He holds is only He.
The solace offered twice reproved.
The murmur of His Angel’s plea
shall be a wraith Men know called Abess Dream. 75

Samwiel had not relinquished hope.
“Thru me anew were you revealed.
How greater then the waxing scope
of all this Host before you kneeled
should each be let to make as you would deem?” 80

Then Joss endured Nightmare’s deceit,
for wonder in Him had not wilt.
Creation shall not be complete.
The shaping of The Maker’s Quilt
would He allow to grow beyond His sway. 85

“So be it.” Spake The Architect.
“Design and mold as I mold you.
Thy bounds are Free from My inspect
save that unseen I cause ensue.
Let all we frame to us our frame portray. 90

And so it pass the multitude
did venture start, an avid toil.
‘Twas prompt betook to prompt conclude
for satisfaction sought to foil
the yearn of souls due ignorance sublime. 95

Then Joss released the last constraint.
For if they would make ever new
of cosmos cast, He will they paint
on canvas none could e’er undo.
Discovery’s first step was made in Time. 100

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Part three of four. If anyone has the inclination, I would dearly love a conversation about my "God's" personality. It is not exactly Judea/Christian/Muslim in His fears and loneliness. This unique perspective on the Creator (The Essence) has a broad and powerful bearing on the epic poem. One of my chief "complications" for my workshop friends. wesley
Editing stage: 

Comments

I feel that not only was the maker lonely, but he was set apart and misunderstood by his creations. I got the feeling that his creations harbored resentiment towards eachother and were in dirrect compitition for his attention and approval.

I liked the whole piece so it is hard to choose favorite lines. But these are the lines I decided on:

And so it pass the multitude
did venture start, an avid toil.
‘Twas prompt betook to prompt conclude
for satisfaction sought to foil
the yearn of souls due ignorance sublime. 95

Then Joss released the last constraint.
For if they would make ever new
of cosmos cast, He will they paint
on canvas none could e’er undo.
Discovery’s first step was made in Time.

always, Cat (& eddy)

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I frorgot to mention that I find the character Samwiel fascinating!

always, eddy (& cat)

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Throughout the story the Angels ARE a problem and The Essence (God) is a bigger one. Since you mentioned Samwiel and I'm dying for any excuse to post my poem I'm going to (with your permission) do something I've never done anywhere. I would like to post one of the canto out of order. Canto 25 is a break from the main storyline (I have many of those as I slowly piece together for the reader the history of my realms). It is the trial of The Clovis. They have as a people committed an egregious crime and now stand in judgement before the Angel Host.
Including Samwiel.
It is here that the Curse of the Clovis is laid. It colors the entire story.
I would like you to read it.
Let me know.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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author comment

Please do post it. I would love to read it...

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

This is either more difficult than part 2 or I am a bit tired which is more probable.

*The title, Cumé? Is it just a name or a subtitle of something the reader should know.

 **I have noticed that you used to changed the rhythm from tetrameter to pentameter  the fifth line in each stanza but I am not sure how does that serve the pace
 

***L85 Ween  is it archaic of wean

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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is just a made up word that means "three". I used it in one of the early canto of the large poem and tossed it here.
That's all.
The longer line is simply an attempt to make this whole poem sound a little different than the big one. Also, I've always liked the effect it creates (read some of Lonnie's work... he does this ALL the time).
And "ween" is correctly spelled. It is a medieval word that means "to know" or "to understand".
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

to find a mistake but seems I am going to fail. I know I will (((smiles)))

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

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