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The Ana (Creation Story) part four

Didêram

It has been told that when The Host
began the task before it set,
it was Samwiel, of all foremost,
who fain aspired to beget
the shape of things to come and order all. 5

The tribulations they endured
o’er eons would exact their toll.
Dissension left at last uncured,
The Angels each regret the whole,
but vigorous were they until The Fall. 10

As equals were they first adrift,
for of them, only two reflect
in composite their Maker’s gift.
The latent natures both project
did place Samwiel and Mic~lak~lor on high. 15

In all things done were Angels yoked.
Each blessed with facet singular.
At genesis Samwiel invoked
his very name as titular
and would a Lordship uttered name imply. 20

His incandesce preeminence,
when juxtapose with lesser souls,
did so outshine The Host, pretence
of parity in chosen roles
were cast when Lord Samwiel they named their King. 25

Obeisant was Mic~lak~lor,
of all the first, for in his thought
no heat of envy ever wore
a breech of spirit as was wrought
in Lord Samwiel thru days of reckoning. 30

At liberty without dissent
from Joss as they exalted Dawn,
The Angels Boast to self and spent
initial energies in fawn
of he when so esteemed enhanced their worth. 35

Primarily the goal as framed
intended soothe the primal moil.
Though ever and anon He’s named,
as men shall their vain envies spoil
all works due Angel’s selflessness in dearth. 40

The Angel Host was limitless
when Lord Samwiel addressed them all.
With ardent and consigned success,
his sermon did its sweep enthrall
elucidating sooth of Time and Space. 45

“Each instant Now will pass away.
Hence past and future e’er apart.”
Samwiel decreed his gift of day
anew, alone, shall mark their start.
And then he spoke at length concerning~ Place. 50

No other could such concept dream.
The tangible mysterium.
Abstraction spawned a cogent scheme.
Where they were not~ jus divinum,
had manifest each spirit’s self domain. 55

By virtue of his will imposed,
The Angel’s pristine innocence
matured unto a sense enclosed
by finite limits. Sentience
in form that Lord Samwiel could thus restrain. 60

Hence, ere he did consider such
in pensive contemplation proud
desire, envy, insomuch
as he would be above their crowd
did lead Samwiel to cause The Host take shape. 65

And since ‘twas he that instigate
their separations from the whole,
a vanity had propagate
itself that every Angel soul
with comeliness sublime had Self o’erdrape. 70

Now, beauty is as ‘tis beheld,
though most were of like guise to most.
Anent Samwiel they first had dwelled
and he had chosen form to Boast
of partiality Joss felt for him. 75

Exalted vestment Angels chose
were shapes that must The Essence please,
for when The Morning Star arose
he had, as they, in like degrees
assumed himself the Light of Joss though dim. 80

But yet there were among them all
those spirits that saw fitness not
in hent garb as denoting thrall.
The spectrum of Creation’s thought
extended from the graced to cursed extreme. 85

For nothing is in form distort,
though man will see these Dark as such.
The Daemon who would virtues thwart
are they themselves blessed by the touch
of Joss as are the rest who brightly gleam. 90

Samwiel was Heaven’s Morning light
and for a time was beautiful.
As envy grew beyond foresight
embodied he those purposeful
and more unto their darkness he would cleave. 95

But this as yet was far away.
His efforts at the first sincere.
He bade the Angels craft a clay
that might confine invention’s sphere
and thence to Joss present all they conceive. 100

In placeless void wrought by the Will
The Essence grant so Free of due,
they put forth thought of innate skill
and made for Joss a world anew.
Their prayerful hope to offer Him its birth. 105

The World That Is had come to be.
It lay before the Angel tide.
Its paradox that Wills so Free
had bound themselves when first abide
to Joss, The March of Time and Earth. 110

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is the last part of my Creation story that begins Part Two of my epic poem Çaço, Man of the Morning Star. Part Two is entitled "Cold". This story continues on through part two, but with language demonstrably more relaxed. Thanks to anyone who read. wesley
Editing stage: 

Comments

Yes, more relaxed language which effects the tone and flow. I still find Samweil to be a very smooth fellow with honeyed words. Makes me wonder when he will place a false foot, in spite of his grace, and fall on his face.

Samwiel was Heaven’s Morning light
and for a time was beautiful.
As envy grew beyond foresight
embodied he those purposeful
and more unto their darkness he would cleave

I am deeply enmeshed in the story and its artful telling.

always, Cat (& eddy)

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

phew, such loaded language. i'm intrigued. going to start to read from the beginning!

If I may suggest... this four part piece is part of a much larger epic. The whole thing is a romantic, fantasy, adventure, so when you read, don't "savor" it. It's an adventure (even though this part is a little more high and mighty than the rest). Read it like an adventure and don't worry about the poetry. It takes care of itself. Thank you for the interest.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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author comment

We rise and fall, rise and fall
through sounds of words particular,
and blown to this side and to that
we find we're still here in the 'flat,'(Oslo)

this epic poem, and the rest,
must surely be by Guiness blessed,
as we peruse the names and places,
noble dames and those with graces,
we are mesmerised
and not surprised to see,
that you have made a poem,
a true sililoquoy.

Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

It's always a kick to have you read my stuff. wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

This reminds me of interpretative jazz, how? It just can't be done, but you do it....

An amazing feat, wordsmith!

~A

It's a little daunting, isn't it. It's the opening to Part Two (Cold) of my epic and I wanted it to read a little like scripture. Even I have a tough time understanding all of it and I wrote it!
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

I am but left really amazed.These four parts are woven with elegant imagination and an effort I believe that no words would give their justice.
I am still not sure what kind of feedback should be given here other than a lot of appreciation
No exageration if I say I find this "The Anna" in its four parts, a counterpart to Melton's Paradise lost if not in some levels better.

Any intentions to have it published?Hurry up, don't delay and I shall be waiting here for my version, and (((for free))) .

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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He finished his work.
I asked The Ana to be read because it was the prelude to what I'm going to try to accomplish myself in this workshop. Still nice to know you saw it.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

I had read the first part, but I just finished the other three. All in an evening's read. It might be some excitement; haven't read a long poem in a while.

I love the story, especially the uniqueness of Joss's personality. Though I'm a Christian, I find this God to be more interesting in his personality. He loses the traditional stilted character you see in the supreme being, and the fact that he isn't the "first" and contemplates his end (in part three, if I remember) comes as some welcome comic relief in the long poem.

Besides other little slips I thought I saw (and ignored because I'm a bit slow when it comes to such stuff and didn't want to bother you ), I noticed "Menkind " in stanza 50 of part three. Should that be "Mankind"? Your comments with Rula helped bring the poem down to a more understandable level, so things were a lot clearer than they were before.

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

The character of Joss is very important to the whole story. It's difficult to explain the perspective I will use, but look at it in this way. You know you are you because you are not Weirdelf. You have an external point of reference that allows you to see yourself as different from the rock at your foot and the cloud in the sky.

God does not have this.

I will stress that because God is all things, God cannot know Self as do we.
I know, it rather skirts the omnipotent thing, but it's where I am going with it.
At one point in the story (which is based on the threat of "The End Of All"), the end will be nigh and only God may cause it to not occur.
God's reaction?

He hesitates.

Thanks for reading.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

Dear Wesley of the epic style, I came to ride the waves of your ocean of words, and never do they trip me up, or become mundane. It can be used as a lullaby for a child to go to sleep, and at the same time teach them the use of words, and what wonderfully varied tools they are.

I feel that you too ride your words, like riding a horse, feeling with the horses hooves the road and the forest track, all the perfumes and the wind as you go, weaving out of this melee of sounds a curved cradle of music to magic us to another life, another era, another place, and yet right here, now.

And now I too shall go to bed, Love from Ann, hope all is well with you.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

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