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ample (serious limerick)

the world that we live in has ample to share
with plenty to eat, drink, sample and wear
but poor are still needy
‘cos people are greedy
oh shame, to be selfish with ample to spare

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
i missed the workshop - but was intrigued enough to attempt one anyway....
Editing stage: 

Comments

Short, succinct, makes your point clearly, ( The three outer lines "share, wear, spare ) are all a bit longer than I'm used to seeing, but it seems to work well - and who am I to say how long they should be!

Nice one!

Love Mand xxxx

the 1st, 2nd, and last verses can be in either trimeter or tetrameter, and the other two should be dimeter, ....
lol - who knows .... maybe jess will call in and let me know

thanks mand
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

as wonderful as you r

two '''ands''
one could be done away with
please review if u wish

for the suggestion. I have dropped one of the 'ands' thank you it does read better, but i kept the other one for the meter

wonderful to receive a second suggestion from you - and you might note here, just as you were on my other write, you have been most helpful

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

hope Jess will now not say
I pass no worthwhile comments.....
especially when a great poet like you
does acknowledge it

thanks Judy more from you
on mine too

Seriously a good limerick. Do you think though that you can do away with "ones" in Line 5 after "those"? to me "shame on those with such ample to share" runs smoother..just a thought...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

I have changed the last line completely. Do you like it any better?
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I like the ample, sample rhymes.
Of course the message is grand which is enough to satisfy me whatever the form is.
Keep up the great work!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Thank you :)
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Spot on, you have said in very succinct lines, what i've been trying to say with paragraphs. Love Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

for the visit and very kind comment
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
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