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Up All Night...

Night wraps around long shadows
colors them darker still
His soul huddles with magic
bending it to his will

Crouching in the darkness
his eyes glowing faintly red
The blood of his victim clotting
as he sucks the eyes from it's head

Crimson fluid flowing
tasty as can be
He slurps, swallows and belches
ready for course number three

He finds it hangs where he left it
like a spider-meal wrapped in silk
High in the tower of a castle
a snack, like cookies and milk

Corrupted, decaying and rotten
Juices flow down his sharp chin
Ah, the joy of blood-lust
Even though it's a sin

Now, the dawn is breaking
he must be flying away
He flits like a bat, all twisting
dodging the sun's deadly rays

In the black castle's dungeon
hidden away, hard to find
He'll sleep, sated and bloated
dreaming of life's lovely wine

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Just felt in the mood for a little snack.
Editing stage: 


I think you could get away with removing the s from rays, other than that excellent poem and very apt for time of year. Regards Roscoe,,,,

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

I'll keep the [s]. I don't think it matters that much, and who ever heard of the sun having only one ray?
~ Gee.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

author comment

First stanza was great fabulous hook, lovely imagery,
I was with you till the end of stanza 2 and then you lost me as a reader on sucking the eyes I get it went humorous after that but it rather spoilt it for me. On the one hand it made me smile I am sure that was your intention on the other it left me hoping for something more some big twist. This may well be a taste thing and readers will be polarised.
Love the title ..
technically away and rays dont perfect rhyme, neither does find and wine.
It made me smile but

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