Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

all I can do

I felt your gaze leave me
with it my whole world
fell away, I am now alone
lost and disillusioned
I am sadness and grief
behind a rabbit proof fence

there is no living without you
no meaning in the sunset
no beauty in the storm
the colour drained
from my view
all I see now is
black and white

I walk the night
searching the stars
in the black of my world
they are diminished
as the symphony of life
muted, all notes withheld

following the passing
of each grieving day
the flow of blood
increased
but an empty vessel
once called a heart
still dries and decays

The pain is slicing
into the vein of my soul
I had loved too deeply
for too long, adoring
all your imperfections
I worshipped at
your feet

and now,
the butterflies have stilled
and died in flight
laying in the longest grass
the fleas no longer bite
I am fading away
into the shadow of light

lowering my mantel
I cover my eyes
'cause all I can do now
is cry, cry, cry.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing stage: 

Comments

do not critique harshly).

Then I haven't much to say except I feel your pain.

I'm going to need to read some more of your recent work to see where your craft is going.

I will say this, it doesn't stint on the pain and carries it, raw, honest and unavoidable.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I'm afraid my recent works been all over the place
Its fucking hard to express what I'm feeling but I'm trying

My poetry couldnt get anymore real than this
All I feel is pain and emptiness

Thanks for your thoughts they are always appreciated

Love JC xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

This strikes so deeply.
Out of pain intensively beautiful poetry.

Love from your Joe

There is so much pain I'm struggling but hanging on

Im finding it really hard just to get by

I'll live somehow just not sure how at the moment

Love your Jayne xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

I hope there is little of your real life being displayed here. The poem leaves little doubt as to the protagonist's state of mind. Only thing you might think about is S-3, L-6 change were held to withheld..................stan

It doesn't get any realer than this unfortunately

I like your suggestion I will change it when I edit

Love JC xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.