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Is this all a Game
What if this is all fake,
all a game being played,
every decision made,
using a game plan,
every twinkle in your eye a facade,
every kiss the same as every other,
every unread message,
the result of lost interest,
I ask is this all real,
will the feelings prevail,
what if this is all the same,
all a game still being played,
soon you will realise games can only be played for so long
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
heartfelt4262
Tue, 2020-01-07 18:50
This is my first poem
This is my first poem I have ever shared with someone other than my sister.
author commentEumolpus
Wed, 2020-01-08 17:50
easy flow
I would suggest a few thinks in the last part
I ask "is this all real,
will the feelings prevail,
what if this is all the same,
all a game still being played?"
Soon you will come to realize
games can only be played
for so long.
I added a question mark, and it feels like a quote. I made the second a new stanza, like a new paragraph,,, to breaks the line, slowing it down, which will yield the most effect for the finish that expands with a kinda poetic truth. So the imagination tries to absorb a somewhat abstract concept...life, a game, etc. I changed it to "soon you will come to realize" , it felt softer than "you will realize" My take.
Share your work! That's why writers write.
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Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
Geezer
Thu, 2020-01-09 09:58
I got...
your message and it says to me; you wonder if the love professed, the feelings are real? Eumolpus is right, share your work and really look at the critique. Think about what you're saying. Read as many poets as you have time for, it will help you to understand the words and how they are placed for the most effect. ~ Geezer.
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