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Alice Grown Up

Leaves are falling
and floating down the stream.
The water is loud today.
I like to follow them with my gaze
just because they are passing away.

The water is loud today.
These days it can be heard
just because no other sounds left.
They flew away with the birds.

I live in the world
of sounds and smells.
If it's not for the birds
something else would make
a great deal of noise,
something else would smirk.

I wade in the rustling piles,
step on grumbling mushrooms.
Sliding on crumbles of dry leaves
I stumble and tumble away
and I fall.

I fall through a darkening well.
Jars of jam on the shelves,
old books with enticing
provocative titles,
I am falling through days
reading glasses at hand
asking
on what I could possibly land.

The universe is unwinding.
It looks down at me
through the silence,
dry leaves and twigs.
It looks down at me
just because I exist
and I wonder.

It looks down at me and answers.
It says JUST BECAUSE,
I accept the words
on my way in the well of days
with a lot of things on the shelves
and reading glasses at hand.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
Last few words: 
I hope you enjoy the write.
Editing stage: 

Comments

beautiful passage of transformation
through one's life

(minor edit)

with (a) lots of things
or with a lot of things
may be
Russian- English still!!
lovely metaphorical poetry

debyushka
ochen khoroshaw
spaciba

What a beautiful work of art this is. True, there are a few rough edges but nothing to detract from the overall good work.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Thank you. Please tell me if you have any suggestions

IRiz

author comment

as you asked, here are a few thoughts to conjure with or toss away.
It your poem after all.

Leaves are falling
and floating down the stream.
The water is loud today.
I like to follow them with my gaze
just because they are passing away. Here "just because" pulls me up.
Maybe something like
while they are passing away
The water is loud today.
These days it can be heard
just because no other sounds left. Again here "just because"
They flew away with the birds. as there are no other sounds left.

I live in the world
of sounds and smells.
If it's not for the birds
something else would make
a great deal of noise,
something else would smirk.

I am walking through
the rustlings piles,
stumbling upon mushrooms,
sliding on dry crumbling surface, This line is not wrong but maybe be more specific
I fall a or the dry crumbling surface
through a deep and darkening well.

Jars of jam on the shelves,
old books with enticing
provocative titles,
I am falling through the days maybe something like mad days
reading glasses at hand
asking on what
I could possibly land.

My universe is forever young.
It looks down at me
through the silence of stars,
dry leaves and twigs.
It looks down at me
just because I am, I exist I would drop I am
and I wonder.

It does not need to hear me asking.
It says just because,
I accept the answer
on my way down in the well of days
with lots of things on the shelves
and reading glasses.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Thank you

IRiz

author comment

you have been away
this whole week

hello, i was sick a bit and translating Omar Khayyam
do you want to see my translations?
here;
***
The cloud came, her lovely thunder eyes
Turned into soil under the grass.
Who will be looking back at us
When we become stardust?

***
Don’t get mad.
Don't fool yourself, accept the fact,
Replacing wine by endless snacks
Will only make you fat.

***
Don’t know how long the feelings last
Accept my loving heart
Enjoy the moon eternal light
While others sleep ignoring us

Merry Christmas

IRiz

author comment

kindly wish MERRY XMAS to Omar Khayyam
If at all it's possible
our works will speak for us once
when we have jumped
over the fence

Till then get well soon
MERRY XMAS to all of you
and you extended families
from LOVEDLY
hardly now read
so I give up posting more poetry instead
and will read YOUR TRANSLATIONS ONLY
all will be happy

Can't add to the other comments.

Fun translations. Love to see what you did for the famous XI . Fitzgerald put it

Here with a Loaf of Bread beneath the Bough,
A Flask of Wine, a book of Verse- and Thou
Besides me singing in the wilderness-
And Wilderness is Paradise enow.

..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Hello Eumolpus,
I plan to translate less know poems.
The reason I started the process is because Rubayatt in Russian translations overlaps with Fitzgerald versions but also has some very interesting other poems. And I think that Redoing Fitzgerald versions is useless.

IRiz

author comment

ochen khoroshaw debyushka
few will adore you more
ochen khoroshaw
debyushka
lovedly znayu
russkee know
nem nego more

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