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Alice

Alice

As Alice arrives at the Hospital door
a couple smile and say hello.
The girl who is heavy with child
asks which way they should go.

Alice leans over to reach him
to kiss him for one last goodbye.
A silent tear rolls down her face
as with sadness she begins to cry.

They’d been together a very long time
thinking they had more years to come.
But illness came and frailty ensued
now their life together is done.

After some time by his bed, she left
and on hearing a noise she smiled.
Coming from a nearby maternity suite
it was the cry of a new born child.

She sees the same couple as before
next morning when collecting his things.
And smiles, as she sees their baby boy
as one life ends, and a new one begins.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 

Comments

A good poetic presentation. An example of what we say, "Life goes on." I have met such incidence a few times. What to say? Always a mixed feeling.

xxxxx

Agreed, gives off mixed feelings.
Happened to my daughter once when she went into Hospital to give birth and just like the poem she met a lady at the door who had just lost her husband and was happy to see my daughter was going to give birth and have a friendly moment with her.
Tim

author comment

I'm beginning to feel like an echo!
I like this one too! I have just one complaint. Your meter isn't the best.
Rhyme inherently needs meter to support it.
Shorten a line if you must or lengthen it if you can
to keep the meter. A work is much more memorable if it has good flow.
You have a good feel for a story; that is important in poetry.
You kept the poem from being overly sentimental and short enough to keep a readers interest.
Nice work, ~ Geezer

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

Always good to here from you Geezer and to read your comments.
Yep, understand this is not my greatest meter on this occasion, so will clear my head and go back to it sometime. Believe it or not, already thrown it out twice before publishing.
all the best,

Tim

author comment
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