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Ah Saturday Night Yet No Fever

Submitted by lovedly on Wed, 2020-09-09 18:40

Saturday Night No Fever
The current in my inner skin
today does sting
like sharply pointed
nine pins

the weekend is going to be dry
Saturday and Sundays
all everything closed
no surprise nothing to try

where into the garbage bin of time
can we ourselves dispose
early morning we all rose

the sun was keen to peep in
but scratching inside doors
kept me sighing

the clouds requested the sun
to wait
the poet now sleeps
though late

I hear the silent laughter and get up straight
pull the curtains and welcome my sun

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Teddy15

Thu, 2020-09-10 02:32

Teddy15's picture
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Try Weekend instead of with a space
And
Early morning we all rose,. Try rise? It reads better.
Try taking come out of the last line?

I really like this one, it's got a lot of character and speaks of a day many of us are having at this moment.

Thank you...Teddy

Geezer

Thu, 2020-09-10 06:52

Geezer's picture
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Stay home and have a glass of wine or two and watch some porn or something. This thing can't last forever. We will beat it. One of your better ones. ~ Geez.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

lovedly

Thu, 2020-09-10 11:30

lovedly's picture

yes it is my best

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