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Anger drives my thoughts
yet there inside is a peace.
Age has done this to me
It took reason away today

I became frustrated and angry
I couldn’t run for the bus
I will never ski the slopes
or score a goal at football

Time was cruel to my ways
it took decisions away from me
Trapped me here no longer free
and now some laugh at me

What a change from before
I would show them the door
as a whim took my mind
now they just kick my behind

Still there are laws that protect
you are joking laughing at me
what law would be fair
me with salt and pepper hair

I exercise now in my chair
a frame to lean on I have
my ass needs wiping
when I go to the lav

If only my sense of humour
was intact inside my shell
in there you would hear me yell
Assholes the lot of you

But I was given a brain
though I lost a lot of it
It still thinks the same
Oh misery of an old body

The last laugh is still with me
I have a kind of liberty
If only you knew my thoughts
Euthanasia would be taught

Get off your lazy asses
I made this your world
Not for you to rape its worth
for your children at their birth

Wars we spent too much on
in places we didn’t belong
yet we went there anyway
Look at your hands today

Phones and games therein lay
Damn it talk to me, just say
Hello when I am seen
another of my old dreams

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
First Edit for normal comments.. Well ??? LOL maybe (NOT) OK for Wesley's new workshop ??
Editing stage: 


I won't point out sections that I felt could be made clearer...not just yet, because the impression the poem gave me was really really strong.

Thank you Ian, I now fear old age. I'm off to look for eternal youth, good sir.


No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

Please comment as normal on this piece as this is not going into a workshop, but I will edit it as it is a rough copy, and was written just before it was streamed.
Thank you for your welcome comments so far, Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Since you're considering using this for wesley's shop I'll withhold comment until then lol. But this poem has good bones...........stan

This is not is Ian's. lol..It can Ian has

raj (sublime_ocean)

This piece was streamed as it is a rough piece but Wesley has gone off some place with his comments.
When I streamed this one I put as my last few words:-
Well ??? LOL maybe OK for Wesley's new workshop ??,
He has told me it is not suitable for the workshop, so I have after thinking about it withdrawn from the workshop, as it seems there are special poems that are suitable and this isn't one of them.
I was going to write a new piece for the workshop but he has saved me the trouble.
I am sorry but I haven't time, as with Billy to pick up toys, I seem to be out of the league.
I will carry on as usual for a while longer and reassess my position here, I have for a while since the loss of a few of the other poets been just muddling along on the outside.
You take care of yourself and your family,
Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Since we haven't begun, I came looking to proofread. William is right that there are some small logic problems, but nothing dynamic. We'll get to that later.
As for proofreading- it appears to me this is precisely what you wanted it to be. I don't like the capitals, but that is your decision and you missed none of them. The lack of punctuation also bugs me, but that's my personal cross. I would say that if you are writing without punctuation I would not have included the question mark or the one comma.
Just a thought.
As for the first subject in the workshop... this offers nothing to talk about.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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I think that I said I may put this into the workshop, I actually said:-
Last few words:
Well ??? LOL maybe OK for Wesley's new workshop ??

But seeing that you have a total dislike to this poem or whatever, for whatever reasons, and that you say, it is not suitable for the workshop, then what do you think is going to be suitable, as you just asked for a longish poem or piece by each of us to take part.

Your comments were not really any use, this was as it said, a Rough draft, and from that I think your comments were out of line.
I shall carry on writing as I do, but will look at what you have said about this poem from the point of it being a normally streamed poem or piece.
Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

I think it's great Ian. I'm not just saying it to be nice. I actually read this with understanding. I think the rhythm is spot on. It flowed well and the image kinda stayed with me. I usually lose the image as I read poetry, but I didn't here. Your image is a minds emotional vision that I felt instead of a mind eye vision I see, Mental stimulation is right on.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

Thank you very much for your words, I am glad that the piece gave something to you.
Lovely to see you back and active, I hope that life has been better for you of late, I sometimes need to be reminded of the things some of our poets have to endure, it puts a perspective on life.
My life as you know, though not perfect in anyway, is a world away from what other have to go through.
Hard lives are usually reflected in their poetry and a way of healing for them, where I have to resort to fiction, and trying to feel those places.
I would love to read from you, as with Stan, about the area you live in,
another world and the beauty of what you see or the harshness.
You take care out there and know that we think of you, Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment
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