Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Against All Odds

goddamn fly
tormenting me for hours
in the likes of a post-modern drama

"you're ruining my life" I cried
with all the histrionics
of a possessed James Dean

"I'm on the verge of something special.
quit messing with me"

the fly continued buzzing
like a fighter pilot
I flailed and swatted
like a squirmy little girl

"I hate you, really, really hate you"

I had now become as pouty as
a petulant princess

what started as a skirmish
escalated into a major conflict

the final scene did not end well
for either the fly, or me

no triumph

no hurrahs

both, just exhausted, and

broken

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

good humorous drama unfolded by you in this poem....it was enjoyable to see the optics created by you...because i got a hint about what's happening on the political scene...
................................................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

glad you found facets to enjoy

for more on your "Political" take, see the the reply to Geezer's comment below

thanks for your support

Al

author comment

Yes Al, I did read your response to Geezer and find that amusing too...lol..
............................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

If indeed, it is a political statement, I enjoy the content even more. Of course, there will be those that take sides on which side it falls and be that as it may, I enjoyed it. Especially as you leave the reader to determine the outcome of the battle.Your wry sense of humor almost always hits me on the funny bone and tickles my fancy. Nice job! ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

Raj may be onto something

I can imagine:
the fly representing the main stream media
and "me" representing President Trump

or
the other way around (depending on your "religious persuasion")

it becomes kind of a parable.
but it really is just about my battle with a fly

glad it amused you

Al

author comment

Hi Al,
it is so good to have you back!
Even if your protagonists are sad.

I like the last accord in your poem.
It is very strong.
I hear the annoying buzzing.
I relate to both characters, although feel more like that fly. LOL.

IRiz

It's good to be back, though I can't say for how long...whoever can?

this is certainly not high poetry but .....
we've got to restock the shelves with something,
or the hungry word craving beasts will become cranky and snarly, and who knows what!

thanks, as always

Al

author comment

Don't be too critical to yourself. It kills creativity.
My first drafts are always hidious. But then I have an unfounded hope that editing improves them.

IRiz

I believe you miss that poor fly, as he was as determined as you. Now he ain't buzzing, but your still swiping. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

recounting experiences, especially annoying ones, does seem ludicrous
so you are right, I'm still swiping...(away at my guilt?) I shall build a mausoleum to honor its tenacity!

thanks Roscoe

Al

author comment

double posted

Al

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.