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the afternoon before the great storm
the grass quivered slightly with thickening tension,
dark clouds like graphite smudge fell hard off dusk’s shoulder
Diffused to cover the bloodied sun
that already has been given its last rites to sink.
on the horizon where the stars and frosted glass table sea merge,
flocks of seabirds emerge under the gray low light
as if a volley of arrows shot inland from invisible ships
following closely, the low waves of foaming spilled cream
crashing onto the bayonet rocks in the shore.
and dense electrified wind brought with it a distant hum, a wailing,
taste of grief, that feels alien, heavy, moist and cold
strange air not from this land, where humidity is abundant as despair
but carried from someplace harsh, furious and vengeful
an omen of bad things waiting beyond, soon to come.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
Republic of the Philippines.
Favorite Poets
Pablo Neruda, Allen Ginsberg, F. Garcia Llorca, Langston Hughes
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Comments
Geezer
Fri, 2022-09-30 10:14
Wow!...
This is a written picture of what one might see in the calm before the storm. I have been through a couple of hurricanes and tropical storms, both here in the Northeast of the U.S. and the deep South. There is nothing in nature that compares to a huge storm on the horizon. I love the whole last verse! It truly brings to mind the feeling one gets in the before the storm! Nicest job! ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Celso G. Tertins
Sun, 2022-10-02 02:29
as always, thank you very
as always, thank you very much!
author commentJackweb
Fri, 2022-09-30 13:03
Wow!
Unparalleled writing talent with extraordinary word magic. The imagery in the poem creates snapshots in a reader's mind.
Nice written piece!
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Celso G. Tertins
Sun, 2022-10-02 02:44
wow that is very generous,
wow that is very generous, thanks!
author commentJackweb
Fri, 2022-09-30 13:03
Wow!
Unparalleled writing talent with extraordinary word magic. The imagery in the poem creates snapshots in a reader's mind.
Nice written piece!
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Jackweb
Fri, 2022-09-30 13:03
Wow!
Unparalleled writing talent with extraordinary word magic. The imagery in the poem creates snapshots in a reader's mind.
Nice written piece!
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Jackweb
Fri, 2022-09-30 13:03
Wow!
Unparalleled writing talent with extraordinary word magic. The imagery in the poem creates snapshots in a reader's mind.
Nice written piece!
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Jackweb
Fri, 2022-09-30 13:03
Wow!
Unparalleled writing talent with extraordinary word magic. The imagery in the poem creates snapshots in a reader's mind.
Nice written piece!
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Ray Whitaker
Fri, 2022-09-30 14:31
I like the feeling for the ocean you have
i could get wet from the words...
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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Celso G. Tertins
Fri, 2022-10-14 02:15
thank you very much ray!
thank you very much ray!
author commentRosewood Apothecary
Sat, 2022-10-01 06:27
Language skills
Ok. Your use of language is basically exquisite. My hands are excoriated from the jagged rocks. I’m looking into the air’s opacity and feeling the deep breath of an approaching storm front, when you hold it in for that precious few seconds before the big exhale. Anticipating the cacophony of wind and rain and thundering crest falls.
Excellent job,
Tim
Celso G. Tertins
Sun, 2022-10-02 02:44
thank you for the wonderfully
thank you for the wonderfully kind words, Tim!
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