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After departure.

You were once my all,
My happiness, my love, my heart,
I knew this during our fall,
In the last tender moments of our depart

What I would give to hold you again,
To have another feel of those sweet gentle lips,
Your warmth that transcended through rain,
To touch your silky curly locks at their tips.

In your absence, the world has lost its shine,
The future holds no other description but bleak,
Now that I've lost all in the world that was mine
Cheerful songs fail to escape a bird's beak.

Cursed to never love, to see happiness in the world,
When you were taken away from me, I lost my world.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 


I'm wondering why you would use that as
your username, seems an almost impossible
feat to aspire to and it's a bit daunting which
may keep some poets at bay.

Anyway, your poem has the rhythm although
some feels forced to fit the rhyming scheme,
like the line with the "bird's beak", and the ending
lines you gave up all together.

Were you going for the style of a sonnet?

Welcome to the site, if you have any questions
you can send me a pm anytime (I check in a few
times a day at least).

Richard (themoonman)

As for the name, I was not referring to myself, it is a phrase I coined for myself as a way to glorify my God or The Lord as he is often referred to.

I was going for the style of a sonnet because I had been told in the past that my poems were often too long, and to keep my word use at bay I decided to practice writing sonnets. In essence, this was my first real sonnet.

author comment

A nicely crafted poem depicting departure of a loved one and yearnings for the return.Thanks for sharing, The Lord's Words.

Thank you for the kind words.

author comment

overall but the last two lines end on the same rhyme. How about something like this?
Cursed to never love, to see happiness unfurled,
When you were taken away from me, I lost my world.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy

First, my appologies for not bidding you welcome. New faces are always a positive by keeping the site fresh and the old hands on their toes (how's that for a mixed metaphor?)
In a sonnet you are aiming for ten syllables per line, there can be exceptions such as starting on a headless iamb (9 syllables) or using a feminine ending (11 syllables). Here is an example of how that first four lines could be adapted to fit the framework.

You were once the love that ever was true,
My happiness and every joy of my heart.
and I knew this as we fell from the blue
and those sweet, tender moments had to depart.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy

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