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After Dark

Submitted by scooby on Mon, 2017-06-19 16:33

When the only thing you can see is your breath from the cold,
My trembling hand I ask you will hold.
As your skin grazes, our love starts a spark,
I'll always miss you the day after dark.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

weirdelf

Fri, 2017-07-14 18:39

weirdelf's picture
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I love compression of meaning

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
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