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Afore the Cockerel Crows

Who is this muse afore me stood?
I know her not, I say.
A temperate stirring of the blood,
I bid her go away.
Her seducing, warm, pacific smile,
The shining in her eye;
I watched her handsome form awhile
Afore her I deny.

I took, once more a further glance
Affirming what I thought.
A glowing, flowing , countenance
Upon mine eyes here brought.
I bid her go, a second time,
Yet, still, she must remain
Sparkling in the morning rime
Be gone, I say again.

I close my eyes and hope to see
Her off before I wake.
An angel come to beckon me
And for my soul to take.
My eyes are opened, looking on,
Aroused from my repose ~
I'd surely bid her thrice begone
Afore the cockerel crows.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

If you want me to pass judgment on your poem, so be it.
I think it is just about the most-beautiful write have seen on this site, but then again, I'm a sucker for this kind of poetry!
I wish I had written your poem; I would have been proud to add my byline to it. Very nice work, my friend. Jerry.
,

For your wonderful comment Jerry. To have something endorsed by yourself means a great deal to me as I know that you are so well versed (and in music also). I look forward to our next exchange of words.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment

Hi, you want the raw truth? OK, I think it's just about perfect. What form is it? It doesn't seem like a sonnet. You've chosen the older sort of grammatical sequencing, which works fine.
Why do you bid your muse to go away? Please don't.
Enjoyed, bring on more. I think I have some sonnets with which you could help me out. So keep that muse a-waiting!

*
*
*
Know then thyself, presume not God to scan,
The proper study of Mankind is Man.
Plac’d on this isthmus of a middle state,
A being darkly wise, and rudely great….

An Essay On Man, III, Alexander Pope.

Gracy. You are very kind.
The poem is simply an open form, equal octave ~ a b a b c d c d and so on. You are correct in that it is not a sonnet though.
The poem is loosely based on Peter's denial of Christ. The muse, however, is my own invention. The beautiful angel appears to 'take' the soul of the narrator, who resists.
I can recommend Stephen Fry's 2005 book 'The Ode Less Travelled' (in the event that you don't already have a copy) as a useful reference to have to hand.
I am pleased that you stopped by today dear friend.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment

But... I cannot get past the awful attempt at the rhyming of [stood and blood]! ~ Geezer.
.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

Thanks for your honest critique. Do you feel that stood and blood don't rhyme well or is it the context. Awful suggests very bad in which case I must, of course, respect your view. I do value your opinion, therefore do you think I should rework the beginning of stanza one?
'Very nice' is a very nice comment, though, so thanks for that.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment

And though I didn't think she would? Yes, it was the attempt of trying to rhyme the stood and blood, not the context. Again, very nice. ~ Geezer.
.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

I'll try that on paper and see if I can get it to work Geezer. Most of my things take forever to get right and critique is such an important part of it all. Thanks for taking the time to help.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment

Margaret Atwood once said "A writer's best friend is the waste paper bin". She's been reading my mail.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment
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