Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Adolescent Games

Taking apart petal after petal;
"He loves me"
"He loves me not"
"He loves me"
"He loves not"
Others' might have bloomed,
Not mine though,

It withered out
Alike the taken apart petals.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Just a silly thought. I am OK :)
Editing stage: 

Comments

This sounded like a complaint. Someone dear is killing you garden? Unless I'm missing something it is really cute.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

You might just call it a silly adolescent thought. I am happy you thought it is cute Sir!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

As I have observed more than once that you are innovating a lot like this one. I liked it but couldn't resist tweaking those petals to come up with another take...

Soft delicate petals ripped apart
"love me", "love me not"
"touch me", "touch me not"
Alas, a few bloomed
bearing a virgin dew

I sighed with the petals
withered and strewn around
mercilessly
quivering in turmoil

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

and many thanks for your visit. If my words have inspired yours, what more would I have asked.
A lovely take indeed.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

I remember those days! Started around 13 I think. Lost love - sigh I wonder how many actually bloomed? I think your poem would be really effective if it was strategically placed on a picture of a young teenager ( with their loved one in the misty background ) whilst pulling out the petals of the flower! I can just visualize it in my mind's eye. This bought back memories long gone and forgotten! :)

Not sure but I think there are a couple of typo's. :)

Taking apart petal after petal;
"He loves me"
"He loves me not"
"He loves me"
"He loves not" Not sure if you meant to put in the "me" in this line. ( I don't think it matters though )
Others' might have bloomed,
Not mine though,

It withered out
Alike the taken apart petals. ( Did you mean "alike" of like )?

Either way - thanks for the memories!

Love Mand xxxx

Thanks v. much for your kind unexpected yet dear visit.
I wish you'd have seen the accompanied image that I posted on a site that accept uploading images. I do this often when the piece is somewhat llighthearted like this one.

As for your other notices, they are all intentional.
Indeed your feedback is appreciated as always.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

he did it
i did it
he liked it
i liked it
we both pulled at it
then we both smiled at it

no petals left
all crumbled
we lay over them
all in bed
wildly spread

Everything is intentional. Everything is exactly as we would have it perceived.
Well said.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.