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My addiction
Breathes through my veins
I've become the man with liquid vision
Everything slips by me
But not you

Seeking to find the way
To the stage for me to grab the mic
By the throat and publish your name
Around the globe so the world would know
That you make me whole
So attend
To my bleeding pen hand spilling blue blood
Writting on the waves of the sea
The magic if your love
Your elegance and power
A virtue like no other
You're the light to my fire

Let the skies bear the burden of the canvas
As i splash your essence
Highlighting the color of your eyes
Your nose and dimpled cheeks
The sunny smiles that bring out your teeth
I can't deny it
You are my strength when I'm weak
My back-up when I'm broken by defeat
You raise me to my feet

My light in the dark so I won't stumble
I know with you I can never crumble
When rude mornings come like locust to make me sick
You give me reasons to live and breath
Now I can't stay away I'm addicted to you like a junkie
For you are my life partner.

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This poem is a dedication from me to my lovely pretty we wife
Editing stage: 


your title, I just wish there were a better word to use! You make a case for love and put it out there, any woman should be glad to have you for a husband. Your language use gets better all the time. The pattern or pacing is forceful, but not overbearing. It goes very well with the feeling that you are confident that she is your everything. ~ Geezer.

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For your comment,I really glad you understood it and you followed the flows.

author comment

to my bleding hand spilling blue blood ( see how that works for you)
the magic if your love( did you mean of)nicely done the emotion rings through loud and clear


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You see every writter put down words that comes out of his or her thought and has a system to stick on, I know that if you ask any writter will write this poem in his or her version.
Once again thanks for your comment.

author comment

Hiya, Simon.
This may sound a little daft but.

If you could take yourself and any-other personal pronouns out of the piece; It would make it about "something", something solid that hints at your love for this person.


Psssst, Its well worth a re-write !!

actually this poem i dedicated it to my lovely wife, once again thank you for your comment.

author comment
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