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young chemical voodoo eyes
sedated from fates
torn from swollen infected wombs

quixotic wards of indifference

nettle the Mercedes peace

gaunt parody’s of scholastic dreams
huddle together in their purgative sanctum

a scourge upon the chaste


puberties barely blossomed
guidance shrewdly abandoned

derision their loft
from which they may exonerate the

their unbathed sweat

Baptizing the odium

Editing stage: 


reading Soduim Arc Lamp theories
the library air exchanger rumble
and the social classes mill
searching cd movies


I am paused
as the ice
waiting for the wind
to push away the frozen
awaken nettle dreams
that I may feel
within the carapace
of personas

I read these works
you have left

I Found my old Sylvia book
in the material L and A sent
to me

along with oranges
a photo of them
and some old cards

I re read your words
some totally new
a mystery

dazzled at the new
the depth

Thank You Ida!

chemical voodoo eyes
sedated from fates
torn from swollen infected wombs - its difficult to know what is the subject of torn, is its fates or eyes, this opening is so condensed the meaning becomes vague.

quixotic wards of indifference--quixotic and indifference seem contraries, again you are sacrificing meaning for novelty of phrasing

gaunt parody’s of scholastic dreams--- parodies
huddle together in their purgative sanctum--sanctuary, purgative has a meaning at odds with purgatory which is I think what you're getting at

untouchables- a very vague word, do you mean the caste system of india?

guidance shrewdly abandoned-by whom, you are asserting a position.. not making the reader part of the poem by creating a scene.

derision their loft
from which they may exonerate the
ignorant -this sounds like a speech, as if you oand only you know what's going on, it comes across as arrogance

their unbathed sweat-this is hyperbole, who bestows sweat intentionally

Baptizing the odium

I been purely critical here since obviously there is a lot to like in this poem, the originality and drama, you are a breath of fresh air and really know how to grab the reader with startling images, I think you need to think more about the reader and consider how much you need to tell in order that the poem does not plunge into obscurity and assertion and turn people off.

Ross, your critique helpful
"their" chemical voodoo eyes may have been clearer for the whole piece
to be more comprehensiable

quixotic - I used as an adjective meaning idealistic
wards--indifference as to society's reaction to the young discarded ones in their care

purgative again used as an adjective ridding oneself of unwanted feelings or memories - within thier sanctum

untouchable-yes reference to caste system

perhaps the rest would be clearer as "their" would have the reader understanding
that the poem is reflecting their reaction to their misbegotten plight and the uncharibable requiring atonement.

More thoughts welcome,

author comment

I after I wrote my crit I thought I was being too critical, as if looking for faults that weren't there. a rush to judgement, actually i don't think the poem very few changes, although i do think the position you take of telling us is perhaps less involving than putting us there with description and thereby making us feel the situation, but that's asking the poem to be another poem, I still think purgative is too redolent of the medical idea of a purge or laxative, also quixotic means impractically idealistic like Don Quixote tilting at windmills.

kick start mythologies

hear them rumbling off
from the villa

who likes too have that
although the relief from poison
or unwell ness is a welcome

writers writing
tapping their keyboards or touch

right brain fire

I remember reading about Don
and his bud
about Caste system in India
when I didnt know
books upon books in times
when words were a torrent
or gentle mists
the rain of reason in a saner
portion of my route

Love your writing
your mind as always

Thank You!

the best ones have already critiqued
you r a new comer
so lucky
such royal treatment
loved it

new and creative kind of poetry alone
intrigues me...


delve me Ida

sunshine hot and rampant
my dirty jeans and torn
dress shirt

wandering as poetic as any
poet can
wild and disturbed
and alive

heading home
to coffee
television and
recharge my cell

I will meet
one whom shall
be as suited
to I

in the meantime
my tour
has been full
of the characters
as real as a page
from a book

Thank You!

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