Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

ABOUT INCANTATIONS

Submitted by Geremia on Sun, 2012-07-22 02:37

ABOUT INCANTATIONS

you are magic
enchantment.
you sing your words
modulate your love
murmuring melancholy
in minor key
and golden tongue

you have touched
my very meaning
and brought my soul
to a near dying
with your deceit and lying.

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

judyanne

Sun, 2012-07-22 02:54

judyanne's picture
Volunteer badge

one typo
'in minor kry' i presume you mean 'key'?

imo
i'd lose the 'and' in 'and modulate your love'

also imho
i like 'about incantations' rather than 'the power of enchantment' as the title - i think the use of 'enchantment' so close to the beginning of the poem, after reading it in the title just a little offputting - lol just me...

a powerful write as usual from you joe - love the finish
love judy xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Geremia

Sun, 2012-07-22 05:28

Geremia's picture

Thanks, Judy. I will make changes.

Joe

author comment

Ian.T

Sun, 2012-07-22 04:01

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

Good write and I could never see the point of those rituals, probably to Brainwash those that listened.
I am so glad I had an open mind in other directions lol.
Keep them coming, but watch out form the Spanish inquisition..
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Geremia

Sun, 2012-07-22 05:40

Geremia's picture

Thanks, Ian.. Inquisition? Never find me lol

author comment

Ian.T

Sun, 2012-07-22 05:48

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

Please advise there are three men dressed as Cardinals at the door, do I treat them like Jehovah's witnesses or do I run out the back door and away, Yours Ian.T????????

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Geremia

Sun, 2012-07-22 08:28

Geremia's picture

Too late! Just put your head between your legs and kiss your ass[arse] good-bye. THEY FOUND YOU!!!ol

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.