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The Ablution ~~April's Contest~~

When impairments of life have to control
O' mighty God, please cleanse my soul

I'm so drained and shattered, no more a whole
O' mighty God please cleanse the soul

The earth insanities have punched a hole
O' mighty God please cleanse my soul

I wish to regain what sins have to stole
O' mighty God please cleanse my soul

Of the salvation I have the console
O' mighty God please cleanse my soul

With the water's power in the washbowl
O' mighty God please cleanse my soul

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Editing stage: 
Contest: 

Comments

Thanks for your entry. Good to see that at least one person used the other allowed form. Good luck in contest.....stan

Thank you Stan. I also found that enough poets have already used the quatrain's form, so I thought I'd share the other one
Thanks for your kind wishes.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

You always try your hand at everything which is good. Not sure if this one is as good an effort as I am accustomed to reading of your other works. However, don't be misguided by my amateurish opinion, go by what the stalwarts interprete and guide.

Best of luck for the contest,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Perhaps you'd like to tell me where I went wrong. I admit that I'm struggling with writing these days, but couldn't resist trying my hand with this new form. It's not the trophy that I am after but trying not to let writer's block strike strongly. I admit I am only few steps away from quitting the world of poetry.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

Cheer up...I admire your spirit of trying...so don't under rate yourself...frankly I am not able to offer any suggestions..sorry about that..but I am sure when you take a fresh look you would be able to turn it into a good one..you have it in you, that's for sure...

In fact I liked the title of your poem which is unique and your poem inspired me to even attempt something similar...though not in the same class as those of others like you..

Best wishes,

raj (sublime_ocean)

convince you to change this tone that you use to underestimate your self.
What sir Wesley said. Please stop it !! I will might cheer up JUST if you do.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

It is not a form that allows one says much. It is good for writing a prayer or so. At least what I think.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

You are one of the elite poets here.

Rula! Geez louise, what a difficult form to go for. Such length yet only one rhyme sound. That's brutal and you did a bang up job. Good refrain. Some of the rhymes are a little forced, but few and not bad. Don't change anything.
This is "fun" poetry. Like a puzzle.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

I am happy you like this. I would look into it, but not very soon. I agree that it reads as a puzzle poetry, even those exemplary ones I read on the net.
Thank you for the visit and the comment.
I was starting to lose faith in anything I write these days.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Good improvisation

raj (sublime_ocean)

I can't believe you didn't count the syllables when you give attention to small detail..

raj (sublime_ocean)

The refrain is octosyllable while the other lines are either pentameter or pentameter ending with feminine.(ending on an unaccented beat or syllable)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

well...when it comes to form and meters...i run for cover :)

raj (sublime_ocean)

The extra (feminine) ending makes it catalectic. It can also begin a verse. Technically it means to not finish a foot as opposed to not begin it.
I have told you before, but do I ever understand not being able to remember important terms. It took me forever before I remembered "Analepsis" (external and internal).
However, if you knew the word and did not use it in your comment for didactic purposes, then I'm mildly disappointed in you.
Catalectic now becomes part of your vocabulary... and you Stan and Raj.
Oh, look back to figure out "Analepsis". That was a poetry joke.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

is the 2nd couplet's 2nd line's difference in refrain intentional? Sis, don't give up on writing yet. you are one of those who inspire me (remember "Palestine"?) Just a suggestion.Why don't you make it as a form of theraphy to clear stress or to share your thoughts?

Alid

to be honest it's not intentional but when I realized it, time was up and I didn't want to change until it is after judging. I don't think it would affect the judge's opinion if I have a chance.
Thanks for the suggestion brother. I think I've already quitted the idea of quitting writing :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

A great entry
And kudos for attempting the very difficult form of couplets

- it is so hard to get enough rhyme with the english language..and as Wes has said - some verses seem a little forced ... but none that jars in any major way - at least not to me

Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

your "kudos" means a lot to me. Highly appreciate it.

And please don't apologize for missing any of mine. I think I missed a lot of yours lately while being so down to give any descent comment AND you've been always a profuse poet :)
Thank you dear.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

It's May already and yet I don't see the announcement of a winner..any idea who won it?

raj (sublime_ocean)

I think it is his computer playing tricks again.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Hmm..may be,,,,

raj (sublime_ocean)

I am the Director of the Workshop/Mentor Program. As such I am privy to much classified information.
So with Stan gone, I will announce the winner.

Congratulations Mand.

Forgive me Stan... If you're still gone for a little while we will set up the next month.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

on the first day of May so I posted a blog announcing the winner and also posted another blog announcing the May contest parameters. Nothing wrong with the winner being announced twice and I'll do a minor edit on The May contest blog to put it back near stream head.......stan

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