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5 senses.

All I see is your ghost,
The darkness in my dreams,
The narrator in my nightmare.
The figure I see in the mirror
I see you hiding between the seams.
Between the cracks in the pavement,
And your silhouette stands idle in the hallway.
Betrayal runs through the veins in your pale skin.

All I hear is your ghost,
The wisp of the words you once spoke,
The crack in your voice,
The clatter of your keys.
You made it so obvious that you didn’t see me.
All I hear is the chime of metal hitting metal,
The low, rumbling hum,
And the fan that I left on.

All I feel is your ghost,
The vibration as the spoon hits the mug,
The warmth that rests on the dashboard of your car.
The leather of your shoes and stained silk of your shirt.
The grasp of frustration,
And sting in my throat.
The desperate attempt
To hold onto hope.

All I smell is your ghost.
The comforting smell of coffee and cologne
The tang of vanilla that lingered in the books you gave me
The smell of wet grass as I sat waiting,
I smell the beads of rain that cling onto the spiderwebs.
The intoxicating intenseness of my favourite perfume.
Revolted by the alcohol that hung to your breathe,
When you so sweetly kissed her.

All I taste is your ghost.
The tangy taste of blood as I smashed my mirror,
The saltiness of my tears, rolling down my cheeks.
Canned peaches and platters of plenty.
Home-made caramel fudge and failed birthday cakes.
Birthdays you’ll never wish to attend again.
The sweat of my thumb
As I turn the page.

You’re everywhere,
But I can never find you.
I hope the thought of me stings,
Setting into your memory, lingering.
There’s a knife in your pocket,
And a chain beneath my blouse.
Because all you are is a ghost,
And I, your haunted house.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Enjoy

author comment

How devastating the loss of a love. I followed this through very easily, even though when I first saw it, I thought about the jumble I saw and never figured that it would be smooth as it is. I'm not sure that the "knife and the chain" make much sense to the reader, as they are not privy to the significance of these items; although the speculation of what they may be, could be interesting. I propose that you use a little different beginning for the start of each section on sense.

Like so:
I see your ghost

I'm hearing your ghost

What I feel is your ghost

I can smell your ghost

And I taste your ghost

The thought of losing a loved one is not easy, ever.
You did a great job in bringing that to the reader.

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or even none of what you are given in a critque or in comments.
~ Geezer.
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you have covered all five senses and when I teach that is the format that I use. As sad as this poem is your descriptive writng was enjoyable to read. well done

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but it is there and ready for all to use at anytime of day come often and hook up in conversation to those across the globe

my suggestions into your poem with such grace, that it almost seems like a different work altogether. Very nice! ~ Geez.
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Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

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