Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

• He wants sex not love •

I'm now a mango to you,
you throw stones on me when you see me ripe on tree..

I thought you loved me not knowing I was fruit you lick and throw the seed.

where is the first apple you called me?
is it in your eyes or heart?

Why do you use me like mop to clean the house?
You held me and fold me like bread is that the love?
You kissed me and threw me on the bed...
I believing you loved me not knowing you hated me

You removed that stinky stick on your trouser
and put on my mouth like a baby feeder for me to suck
I did all you wanted to make you feel good & happy

All you promised me went with the breeze that blew last night..
I thought you needed us to wed before bed
after all, you pushed me near the wall and left me with the pillow and disappeared like a ghost.

I called you, 'where are you going to?', you looked back, hissed and named me 'ólòshó (harlot)..
I'm saying to myself, 'oh, he wanted sex not love', after you're gone...

is it in your eyes or heart?
where is the first apple you called me?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Bold and brassy. Not just sex, but truth too? Wow... There are some that do not think of sex as anything special; it's just something you do. Not that there is anything wrong with that, they should just make sure that is the what their partner is thinking too! I think that your minimal lack of English skill, is an asset to this work. makes it feel much more real, than if it were done in perfect English.~ Geezer.
.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

Thanks sir. I'll keep learning bit by bit.

Collins

author comment

I think you would like it. Read a bit of Byron's "Don Juan" that it is loosely based on. There you will find the true language of poetry- prosody: meter; language, like assonance and consonance; and (optional) rhyme. Also the works of Coleridge and Keats.

Your poem is honest, raw and true but I think it, or your next works, would benefit from learning a bit about prosody. Read those poems aloud and hear their music.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.