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• Advise me •

Advise me.
How can I pay back someone
who broke my heart & left me shattered
after all the dances in the garden of Eden.

Advise me.
How can I join my broken bones with pains, to tell a girl or a lady..
I love her forgetting the past?

After the flower of roses I once planted have withered in the wind that blows in harmattan.

Advise me.
How can I be in love again?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

you don't really want revenge on your ex-lover for the hurt she put on your heart. You want to gain sympathy from the reader; and so, I would advise you to get rid of the clinical sounding title. "Advise Me" sounds like you are asking for advice on trying to build something or achieve a goal. I would use: "Tell Me" for the first line, then switch to something like: "Let Me know"
and finally: "Give me hope". In a short poem, it is best to keep short lines. There are a couple of lines that could benefit by eliminating a couple of words, and changing them around a bit. Try this:

1] How can I join my broken heart and bones?
2] How do I tell a lady, to forget the past?
3]The roses I planted have withered in the wind.

Give me hope
That I may fall in love again

~ Geezer.
.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

Thank you so much sir. I'll work more on my language.

Collins

author comment

Good thoughts but just send the lady love and move on ..
Not sure if fiction or not but very pointed.
When you send out love it returns in many ways.
Take care and Look forward,
Yours Ian ..

Words can build a nation

Lol. Thanks. I'll work more on my language.

Collins

author comment

....after all the dances in the garden of Eden.
you freely enjoyed them

now move on to greener pastures
never run after a bird
she would fly faster ,

instead forget and live with another love
read Gee above

I appreciate your advise. I'll work on my language too!

Collins

author comment
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