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AUGUST CONTEST WINNER

I am pleased to announce the winner of the August contest is Dennis the Menace for his poem "WHAT IF GOD BECAME A WOMAN". Please join me in congratulating him. Here is his poem :

What if, God became a woman - what a difference we would see,
Bet the first thing that she'd tackle is the way that we all pee.
She’ll have seen all the advantages, that’s there when you’re a boy;
How it saves with all that squatting, and at night becomes a toy!

And she’d introduce discretions, like an air valve better placed,
To save girls squeaking trapped air out and getting all red-faced.
For with the aid of hidden pipework, they could whistle merry tunes,
And the playing of this music could be used for clearing rooms.

The next thing that she'd tackle would be partners taking turn,
So that each can carry baby, while the other gets to earn.
And if girls can do the last part, when dear junior starts to rub,
then the boys can do the first bit - and could take it down the pub.
That’s the way to make things equal, so both parents get the chance,
To attend a game of football, bake a cake or go to France.

Then onward into shaving - where it really isn’t fair,
As the slightest fluff grows on girl’s legs - and hardly much elsewhere.
And I fear that boy’s dispensers would be programmed and re-planned
So a button pressed and wrist-work would squirt hot wax in our hand.

And the final piece of balance; she'll see justice to be done,
As we both will have the ‘monthlies’ now instead of only one.
We’ll gladly do the mood swings, and our share of feeling grotty,
But there’s no way that a tampons ever going up our botty!

So there we are; the deed is done, at last the world is equal,
But I, for one, don’t hold much hope - for this crazy female sequel.
A girl in charge and holding power, its sounds just like my life.
And God forbid it comes to pass – just please don’t tell my wife.

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