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The Song of the Star-Spangled Sewage Workers

O, say can't you smell in the morning's delight
What failed to get flushed, thus the toilet needs cleaning?
Huge turds and bright piss, such a horrible sight,
Out of bodies fast pumped with odours demeaning?

Sewage workers so brave, the shit wagon driving
Will speed through the night to cleanse toilets for you;
How grateful we are for their generous striving
To cleanse the home of the free from the stench of stale poo.
.

A pretty French pianist called Lucie
Studied piano with butch Claude Debussy
But "Claire de lune"
Was too hard a tune
With three fingers deep in her pussy.

In concert, young Benjamin Britten
Was once seized by continuous shittin';
Refusing all drugs
He tried two big butt-plugs;
But sadly neither would fit in.

A Fart For All Mankind

I heard the world's loudest fart today
It echoed round the town enough to say
"I am a fart of great renown and fame,
I am a fart who's worthy of the name
Of KING of FARTS!" Unthinkingly I sniffed
And, let me tell you, I have never whiffed
Aught so potent, dank and dread and foul
Blasted out from heaving human bowel
As that king of farts I smelled today
And which took my fucking breath away.

The Spider In The Toilet

Whilst sitting on the bog
Trying to do a log,
Something happened to Mary
In her secret place all hairy.

From the drain so dirty
Up came an insect flirty;
It was a giant spider
And it scuttled deep inside her.

It felt so very prickly
And sexy, even tickly;
She had to use her thumb
To eject it from her bum.

The moral of this tale
You should learn without fail:
Before exposing anal features,
Always check for little creatures.

Hell Is For Children

Hell is for children, terribly sad but true
Prevention's the cure, least that's my view
No one wants to know about it, let alone dwell
What sort of people can put kiddies through hell

Only youngsters, growing up dazed and confused
Bashed by their own parents and verbally abused
Big tough alcoholics, just drunken cowardly thugs
Spend all of the money on booze, or worse, drugs

It was a lovely New York morning and the sun in the sky was brightly shining
When, from up above in the clouds we all heard a metallic noisy whining,
And we looked up into the air to see a large silver aircraft a-flying by,
And the sun was glinting off its fuselage as it flew right swiftly through the sky.

Adventures in a Campervan in the Bible Belt

My adventurous resolve to tour that lovely area
Of the USA amusingly known as Jesusland
Was prompted by the classy Jerry Springer Show
And the sophisticated guests I have seen thereon:
Who can forget those KKK wizards and fierce rednecks
Fighting to preserve their ancestral way of life?
Not I! And how I have longed to visit the Old South
To see its colonial mansions and graceful towns,
Albeit preferably behind bullet-proof glass,
For safety's sake..

Onward Zionist Soldiers! (Part One)

I
Onward, Zionist soldiers,
marching as to war,
With the star of David
going on before!

US, their wealthy Master,
has sent you lots of dough;
Whizzing through the night sky,
watch your missiles go!

Refrain:
Onward, Zionist soldiers,
marching as to war,
With the star of David
mopping up the gore.

II
At the sound of battle
Zion’s host doth flee;
On then, Hizbullah heroes,
on to Vic-tor-ree.

Moroccan Memories (A Sexy Sonnet)

I recall Halcyon Days, hot nights in Morocco
With a nice girl I once met in the Souk;
Blasted by the warm winds of the Sirocco
I can still hear her loud screams when we'd fouk.

St Obesita's Is Calling You

In long gone olden days, Christians used to scourge themselves
And crawl around desperately on bloodied knees to prove their faith
Or they'd fast and not eat their four square meals (plus snacks) a day
But there's no need for that nowadays; self-denial is so 20th century.

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