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The world is crazy and I'm taking you with me
Just for now, don’t let the world escape,
Reach out; don’t worry about the mistakes,
Think loud, but don’t lose your mind in the fray,
Don’t be afraid, the worlds supposed to be this way,
And everyone knows it’s an incredible game,
So put a smile on your face,
And keep your head held high, so the waves won’t take you away,
And if you need advice then it’s okay, so does everyone else,
And if starts to rain, don’t leave right away,
But just for now,
Don’t let the world escape.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words:
Sometimes the world can be a crazy place. How do you see the world?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Candlewitch
Sat, 2011-12-10 15:38
Hello Search!
It was nice to meet you in chat live! I enjoyed your poem. Solid advice within your words.
always, Cat
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wesley snow
Sat, 2011-12-10 16:16
The World?
Mind bogglingly dull.
As a subtle warning, I'm sometimes known as "The Grammar Cop", so...
Fourth line- "world's" needs to be a contraction. The only other problem I see with this poem is an overuse of the phrase "away/way". None of them were wrong for the sentences, but I try to avoid using the same word too close to each other. It gives the impression of repetition. Unless of course, "repetition" is what you're looking to create.
As for the poem, I like the concept. Don't worry and don't let it get away with you.
"They" will tell you that I'm a classical form freak, so I'm not crazy about the line lengths, but they don't detract from the poem. It's just me. Looking forward to seeing you experiment and grow.
Now get out there and "critique". Don't just comment. CRITIQUE. Help us grow also.
wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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