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Long time ago, we were told
A day was set aside for everyone
Not to work or do anything at all
Toil for six days and gather victuals
Then eat and rest on the seventh
For the lord is good all the time

An old man ran out of kindling
Being cold, he needed to warm himself
So he went with his axe to the woods
On this cold and wet Sunday afternoon
He lifted his axe to strike a log of wood
He was transfixed and transported to the moon

When the children came out to play
On a moonlit Monday evening
They looked up with exhilaration
‘There is someone in the moon’, they said
‘We have found the missing old man’
But know not how to bring him down

Today, men have gone to the moon
They did not find the man with the axe
But a mountain of moon rocks everywhere
Where then was the missing man, they ask
And all those who have also disappeared
Grandpa answered, ‘the story is just beginning’


Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


good start but if I may suggest tell us the story in your poem with more description. allow the reader to feel a part of your poem. example speak of scenery or anything you can describe . Whats the point your trying to make that will help you engage the reader

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