Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

WHERE I BEGAN…

Looking back at the long path
From where I came, my footprints
Left on the obscured sand of time
Imprints of soles and satellite toes
Diminishing into dotted remoteness
Disappearing on the winding path

Difficult to remember though
The people and things I first saw
The initial whimpering gasp for air
That allowed the soul to manifest
A baby, like everyone else, helpless
With guilt of sin for being born here

Complex consciousness began to record
In simple sequence, every beginning
From crying, eating to pissing and shitting
So it was with school, work and marriage
Where we met in unison, not to undo
But to help others in the early phase

It all began, this life I live, long ago
A marriage, visible and the unseen
Drawn from inexhaustible abundance
Keeps me going against the odds
Between sleep and wakeful slumber
Onward, towards the end of all roads

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I am glad you like this. It deals with a cycle of life, like a circle, where the end is the beginning - a snake biting its tail. We journey out to where we came from. Thank and best wishes

tr

A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.