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Very nearly a love poem

Submitted by shazbat on Sun, 2011-10-02 17:33

We haven’t known each other
For too long, it must be said
Though I think you’re jolly lovely
From your toes up to your head

Your face is somewhat pretty
And your dress sense rather chic
I enjoy our conversations
And the charming way you speak

Those pretty eyes beguile me
And your smile makes my legs shake
I’m even losing sleep, what’s
Going on for goodness sake

So my dearest please believe me
Every word I’ve said is true
And it will not be too long
Until I fall in like with you

Editing stage: 
Not actively editing

Comments

magics02

Mon, 2011-10-03 00:36

Hello

How are you doing? Long time since I read you. As I read this I thought this would make a good greeting card. Submit it, you never know. It is really nice and the vision I can see you painted very well in your word crafting. Really nice job here poet

Blessings and hope to read more of you
Mona

oops forgot the title

very
nearly

it is one or other Maybe suggest Nearly a Love Poem and leave the very out? Let me know what you think.

shazbat

Mon, 2011-10-03 12:36

shazbat's picture

Mona,

I was going to call it "very nearly almost a love poem" and there is a reason for the title that the lady in question will/did understand. Glad that you enjoyed it.

John

author comment

weirdelf

Mon, 2011-10-03 07:05

weirdelf's picture
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this is quite the most sensible nearly love poem I've ever read. Should be a great deal more of it if people insist on writing about relationships.

I'm sure Mona meant no harm, it is really far too good for Hallmark.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

shazbat

Mon, 2011-10-03 12:42

shazbat's picture

Jess, this was written for a certain someone and it went into a Christmas card for her last year, so the greetings card angle is not too wide of the mark, is it. My poem "Crabby" went into a burthday card for the same lady (well, we're both in that age group) thanks for the kind comment.

John

author comment

magics02

Mon, 2011-10-03 09:21

I'm sure Mona meant no harm, it is really far too good for Hallmark.

Now Jess lets try to keep the comments to the poet to the poet and not about what Ms Mona has to say or how she feels. Please cease of my words to others like this for example for they are not to you or you should agree on them either. In all good taste Jess. Let us not continue this okay? It is the right thing to do eh?

Shazbat sorry I intruding here on his comment but he trying to be funny I guess. You don't have to send it to no card company. But Hallmark is the very best lol

Smiles all is good and Jess you behave eh?

Ms Mona

weirdelf

Mon, 2011-10-03 10:15

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overly touchy. You know I meant no harm.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

magics02

Mon, 2011-10-03 21:01

None of this stuff makes me overly touchy, too many real life situations to get overly emotional over Noet and Poet:) Good try Elf. I know you meant no harm.

I was actually serious about the card thing, else I do not leave remarks that are pretty or falsely. I only calls it out as I read it and see and feel it also. It does deserve the comment thank you. Shazbat I will back to read more of you. I know she must of loved it too:) Good job poets

Oops forgot I would of broke up the stanza in quatrains just for format and it is readable better on the old eyes. Just a last thought on this one. Smiles

ciao bello

raj

Mon, 2011-10-03 15:41

you have titled this as "Very nearly a love poem"..is it because even if all elements leading to love are there...ultimately it's the chemistry which is the missing link for "like" to proper into "love"?...

raj (sublime_ocean)

magics02

Mon, 2011-10-03 21:03

I have to say I like the love instead of the like too. It just maybe seemed it should go there. Afterall only Shazbat knows if it is like or love:) I happen to agree with Raj Man here too.

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